Been more than a month since I've written here. Did the thoughts pause, the observations, feelings disappear? Barely - more like the opposite :) A wave of emotion and journeying both within and taking me far away has been happening. A part of me going through its motions, questioning, feeling lost and thinking sharing that here might not be the best thing. And just that thought gave me this blog to write.
Isn't it strange how we often hide when we're down, when we're hurt - we tend to shy away and not speak of it? Our reactions are reprimanded by mostly ourselves. We take these parts of being human and categorize jealousy, fear, hurt, desires we think we shouldn't have as "wrong". We spend time to distract ourselves, to move away from that which is difficult to understand. Temptations we cannot work with, conflicts - so much we have channeled and decided these as our own battles. These as the shame we carry, and the guilt we bear - and it like a demon of the dark must be locked in the basement. We must put on a smile and greet the world in appropriate manner, proceed as is expected, for that is what is after all, right. Right?
But if we really look at ourselves as different personalities, isn't the weaker side of us the one that needs the nourishing? Isn't the jealousy in us that needs to take a step back and laugh at ourselves a little bit? Isn't our anguish over another person a bit benefited by sharing the ridiculousness of it all? And isn't sadness sometimes most healed by the comfort of acceptance, of a hug? So if a balance of all our negative emotion truly is a positive trait in us, in sharing with others - why are we trying so hard to put it away?
If we take a moment and really take a DEEP breath and feel where the pain is, where in our body we feel the ache, and consciously say "no". Immediately we can feel a tenseness within us. We are doing something wrong by experiencing pain. We are doing wrong by tolerating sadness - this must be corrected. This is our reaction. Now in the same way... if we take another deep breath and feel with the power of a "yes". Yes I see you my hurt, and I accept your presence. I sit with you my pain, and I understand your grief. There is almost a physical relief that spreads on us. By us tolerating this energy we've termed as negative, these feelings we believe are holding us back - by sitting with them, and sharing the balance of our kindness, we are moving forward together. There are so many battles we are in all the time, but the one within is one we can quieten.
Sadness, disappointment will always be there knocking on our door - we have to go through what we must. But if we find that balance within, if we find that tolerance within - we can rest and we can meet this hurt and pain at our convenience. When we choose it, when we're ready - perhaps, even after a good nights sleep... or two :)
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
With Me
I take you with me into the world
Into the warmth of the sun rays
The smell of the rain, the quiet walkways
Into the silences of tears we won't share
And the reflecting smiles of the strangers on the way
And for me, in some way, it will always be like this
Walking with you in the light
Remembering being alive together.
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