We meet again... Day 308

It is bound to happen in the course of our lives that we will repeat ourselves. Multiple times. We will tell the story of ourselves - where we are from, what we think and we have a moment to recreate ourselves. The past to be left romanticized or stripped. Emotion to be poured into memories and locations - we play with the blocks of truth and step over the blocks that lead to darker places. We will play in the shadows of mystery and move with the mood of the interaction. Are we the heroes or the villains of our story?

Are we strong, did we make all the right decisions - or are we quick to admit our mistakes, be humble? It happens to us enough times - that conversation with a stranger, the same questions and yet our answers vary depending on how we're asked. Depending on where we are, what frame of mind we're in. Sometimes I think when you try and get to know someone - are we just at the mercy of their ability to tell us their stories, ability to convey something we pick up - do the facts really matter to the listener? Or is it just the things we don't pay attention to. When caught up with telling a story, when caught up answering the question, is it our eyes that betray the inner self. Is it the way we speed up our sentences, or slow down, is it just the comfort or lack thereof, the unknown connection which connects two people in a simple place, which has little to do with what we think and more to do with just the idea of the interaction itself.

And yet we're in this place - introducing ourselves, taking in the other - words, mood, motion and all. Building ourselves up, breaking ourselves down, so many blocks in our mind, in our layers - the glass wall of anonymity dropping, one more story starting anew… Will we recount it the same way in the future, or will it already be metamorphosing in our minds - different for each party, evolving in the course of our future….

It sometimes is bound to happen that we will repeat ourselves - and yet every now and then in those repetitions, we discover something new in us. A new person speaking within, a new voice, a new way of looking at the old…a new way of remembering the old, of conveying. So with every opportunity we get to introduce ourselves, maybe its worth listening to what we say and if different elements, emotions are appearing in us… if in trying to share ourselves with a stranger, we're in fact learning something new about ourselves.

Pulls Day 307

In the dark, in chains, in pain… in longing, when lost
I question it all, the Gods, men and their intention
But never my love for you that grew in me soft
And beat against me hard.
In purity and in greed
In desire and in devotion
Without direction, without knowing the right way
I have loved you without limitation
Nor judgment..
I have loved innocently
I have loved you deep, deeper than I knew I ran
Loved you openly, so I never saw a you and me
But I have loved differently than you've known
And so I am now harshly awakened
Unsure how to be understood
How to explain this love I held in me
So easily.. like a soft breath
Like a breath of release
Of excitement, of wonder
A gasp of fear, a torrent of emotion
A breath which exists without reason
And I fall in these webs that try to rein me in
This love that was too simple for you
That loved without question nor pride
Without knowing how, I loved like a fool
And now I try to learn in my quiet
To learn to love as all others do.

- RKS

Faith Day 306

Sometimes I can close my eyes and imagine myself in a different place. A past life maybe, a place away from where I am. A different time, and the walls fall to the ground... a new stage, a different era. Sometimes like being in a black and white movie. The long black dress, a slow 20's song with beats that move to my walk. An aura of confidence, a few strides and the crowd parts away and for the moment I move from the door to my place, I command the air, no ones eyes leave mine - drawn in, in my hold and I smile slowly, my hair moves around me and the music follows me.

Then there are times when these same walls fall and I am alone on a mountaintop without feeling alone. Not being afraid, being the last person standing and it being okay. A cool breeze, the kiss of the wind, the warmth of the sun...as though nature itself had stopped to caress me, to celebrate my freedom.

There are many scenarios, some simple, some inspired by the surrounding, the setting, my mood. Sometimes when I am the most low - it is a short escape. Imagination fueling the mind, pretending we are okay. When I was younger, I remember reading somewhere that faith is what you believe in even when common sense tell us not to. Sometimes I think of these short moments as small stories of faith. A short story or reminder of a feeling that isn't so accessible to me in that moment. The faith of feeling in control and powerful, of feeling free and unafraid. Faith of one day facing our fears, to be stronger and not hurt so easily. To love despite the hurts it gives us and to believe that there is a reason for it.

So maybe it is childish, an idle minds play, wishful thinking, a daydream... but sometimes that is what faith is to me. A stubbornness, a crazy though, a belief beyond sense... a place only you see, a melody only you hear... and just by it belonging to you, just by seeing it come to life, sometimes it gives us a jolt of what we're lacking... a reminder of an emotion that might have become foreign to us. Faith - the story of where you want to be...

Unsolved Day 305

This is my now, the moment I breathe
And you move your hand away
And I watch your eyes look away
As I search for answers I don't have

This is my stand, this stillness around me
Tomorrow is the gap I can't ever fill
What will it bring, where will I be
But I need to leave it unsolved
This mystery, this quiet between us
I need to leave it unexplained

In my mind you're whispering to me
Taking me away, pulling me closer
And our echoes move together
In these halls of our making

This feeling it fills me
A daze, a place in between
Reality seeping into dreams
Things I have never felt
And why do we keep pulling at these threads
But I don't know the way out
I don't know the way in...

Our souls grasp for what we don't hold
Our mind craves the rasping breath
Of fresh hope, of innocent thought
And why can't I just have faith
In what I don't understand...
Just leave it unsolved
Leave it unexplained.
- RKS