An Evening Day 304

And he met me at the bottom of the stairs
He took my coat as though he knew me for years
He pretended to not see my tear stained cheeks
As he led me into the house from my dreams

He reached out for my hand as he walked close to me
Gently showing me wonders like an old memory
A hesitant laugh, and he smiled broadly at me
He kept me close, engaging me in the simple
No questions about the broken look I wore

The inner child at play, cautiously I looked at him
This stranger who spoke to me as as a friend
As though I was the only one there...

Unfolding, calmly leading, I followed curiously
His posture perfect, his mission simple
He kept me close as we went from room to room
And as the evening came to an end
He walked me to the door...
A simple souvenir to celebrate me he said
As he slipped the box into my hand.

I looked at him, unsure of what to say
He helped me drape my dark cloak
It felt darker than when I had arrived
He saw the sadness set into my eyes
And the weight fill into my breath...
As I walked away slowly from the light
He pulled me back, kissed my hand
Smiled his gentle smile and said...
"Remember me, when you're alone."

- RKS

What it feels like Day 303

How did we come here
Was it always meant to be
Was it a wrong turn
Or just the turns of destiny

And I sometimes think
Who are we to feel this way
Who am I to ask you to stay
How did  love come so fast

And in the dark you go
Places where I can't follow
You leave with my heart
Every time we pull apart

And I think how can I be
So complete and so empty
Just by the idea of missing you
How can you feel the same too?

There are so many questions
So many fleeting apprehensions
And then your soft whispers
And I am flying in this space

I am moving fearless
I am holding on tight
I am scared of it ending
Scared of it being forever

And yet we still write our story
We both know it won't happen again
No one will know but you and me
What it feels like… to really feel.

- RKS

Invisible Blocks Day 302

If we drop something, it must be picked up. If we break something, we attempt to fix or replace it. We are built to find solutions to problems. It is the basis of innovation and creativity - we are constantly looking for ways to improve, repair or rethink things. It's easier when they are in front of us, part of our daily process - when we can touch, when we can see - when the impact of the change affects us and others in some way.

But then there are the invisible blocks. The blocks in our mind… we can feel something is lost, but we don't know how to find it. We can feel broken, but don't know how to fix it. We don't have a guideline, there is no glue or a quick replacement to a hurt or a broken heart. There is no quick way, or amount of designing or planning a solution that will correct the quiet resigned being. And yet the feeling is the same… something is wrong, we must fix it. We are problem solvers, we don't dwell on the issue - we work on the solution.

Sometimes I think our mind is our greatest strength and our greatest weakness too. We are strong in so many ways, we are powerful beings.. and yet, in so many ways we can be left helpless, debilitated by our moods, by our inner turmoils. And while we are able to communicate, able to recognize the fault within us, the broken piece, the invisible obstacle - we are confused by ourselves. We are ourselves our own victims and at the same time the only one to be our own savior. Yes, those around us do weave their thoughts and stories into ours… but the fight is always within. The reprise is always within… and depending on which chapter of the story we are in… we need to play the appropriate role, be the connection, the sentient being.. even if we are physically apart. 

Yes, sentient beings… because each being is a mirror, holding all others in its gaze. If one is broken, then we are all broken. And once something is broken… we all know, it must be fixed. 

The Tale Begins again.. Day 301

Hello strange blogosphere… it has been a while since I've been here. The air feels the same on my skin, but it has a strange vibe to it. The colors are a different shade than my memory, the sizes a little bigger. We have both been weighed with the secrets of time. Some eager to flow out from our lips, to talk of like old friends too… and some that come heavy and age too fast, weigh us down faster than we  care to acknowledge. We shift under their weights, we hold them tight… and in some moment of hopelessness we move to distract, we punch these imaginary walls, we try to say the words we can't seem to find, and then fall silent - for there are some secrets where blood flows easier than ink.