Happiness Day 300

It is hard to believe 300 blogs have gone by. There have been gaps and changes in life, mind, heart… the world. And somehow these blogs have gone on, connected dot by dot to a number - 300. It sometimes is interesting how many thoughts are in our minds. each day if we document our emotions - what we go through, how we react, how we feel.. If we could document every step of our journey in this life, I don't know.. sometimes the best part of it, is not figuring everything out. Leaving a little mystery, being a little ignorant… always ready to be a little surprised, little curious..

I searched for happiness in wisdom

I spoke to those who said they knew better

Those who were older, said they knew the way

I searched for happiness in their paths

And all I saw was their dreams and homes.

I searched for happiness among friends

Among loves that took me in its wave

I tried to move with the current of passion

I searched for happiness in their promises

But found less honor and more empty words

And  threads of faith that couldn't hold me.

I searched for happiness in myself

I searched within - looked deep inside to understand

I tore apart my mind, I looked around me

I looked into my past, into my decisions

I tried to make sense, choose more consciously

But in my attempts to control myself

I found places that were simpler, but did not fill me. 

And I searched till the search itself tired me

And days went by without me looking 

I lay down on a quiet dark night

There were no more tears to cry

A heart that could not bear to hurt

A soul that was quietly listening

I took in a deep breath… and I smiled

For while I had searched for so long

It was happiness that had found me.

- RKS 

A poem. Day 299

We're somewhere between the start and the end

The past is too far gone for me to hold on to

So I close my eyes.

Not ready for a future where we say goodbye

So I close my eyes.

And in these moments of silence

I think, what happened to those simple days

What happened to feeling safe in your arms?

What happened to the comfortable silences

That bound us together once.

What happened to the days when we felt free

Boundless, we moved, jumping at life

Every moment ours to prove

Every minute ours to claim…

And in these quiet evenings

I think, where did that feeling of faith go

When did the stories I keep telling stop happening

Where did I go where you could not follow?

When did I say things you couldn't understand?

And what happened to letting yourself go

What happened to wanting to hold me close?

And when the tears blur my eyes

I think you know, as well as I

We're caught in a conversation

Which neither wants to have

What happened to our never ending talks

And the long endless nights we were to have?

When did these distances begin in our hearts

What happened to move us so far along…

Shouldn't getting closer make us stronger

Shouldn't opening up make us braver?

Shouldn't there be a forever for you and I…

But we're somewhere between the start and the end

The past is foreign… not sure if it was mine

So I close my eyes..

The future is cold… do I even get to say goodbye

Or will I just… close my eyes.

- RKS