Layers Day 298

Our layers keep peeling off and new ones put on every day. Some days the metamorphosis is evident, we know something has changed within us, we can feel it in our movement, our thoughts taking new direction, our reactions - we know something is different today than yesterday. Other days it is subtle, silent, like a leaf falling gently on the ground, we don't know it's gone - we don't realize till the tree is bare and we try to reach for something that isn't there anymore.

Every now and then, by some measure of time when we face ourselves from a time back, whether it is a few weeks or years ago - we look at ourselves from the outside. With a new understanding of ourselves we look back at our younger selves and imagine what we know now, if we knew then. But then again, sometimes knowledge isn't enough on just it's own, it has to come with the hard lesson, blood, tears and all.

The mind is a funny place... it can show you the bright colors in a day and another make you afraid of the light. The friendly face can comfort you, or make you cringe in a strangers presence. Today someone makes you feel safe, tomorrow you don't know if you can trust them. Today you feel wanted and desired, tomorrow you feel isolated and misunderstood. We are on a yo-yo of emotions and and the mind is the pilot. Our body and mind is more closely related than I often give credit for. I realize the layers that fall off or pile on our minds, do so on our bodies too. It is not just a mind that cringes from touch, the body reacts. We walk different, we make ourselves smaller when sad - we stand different, we move different... we eat, sleep different. When the mind is at rest, the body abides - when the mind is in turmoil, the body responds.

In our rush to move through our lives, there is a point when we can't run anymore, can't pretend anymore. When we need to take pause and look at the layers coming off, learn the new ones coming on. Maybe it's the emerging from the cocoon - it is painful and comforting at the same time. We are growing up, we're growing up every single day. The day we stop learning, we stop questioning or being surprised by ourselves and our minds abilities to process, create, shape and move us - is the day we stop living. So despite my desire to eventually reach a point where the core and layers are steady, the demons at bay, the good angels at work on my shoulders, the confidence at the right amount etc.. I am trying to adapt to my somewhat troublesome sense of humility, my decisions which are slow and need to constantly be analysed, my innocence partially in check, my world-skills being developed and going to bed every night, trying to ready myself for the surprise of me...and what the curtains will reveal , what mood will await me when I open my eyes.  Yes just be ready to accept the absolute surprise of me.

Lilacs Day 297

And when the lilacs bloomed
He put them in her hair
He held her close, she was his

And when the summer came
He took her in a boat
And he smiled as the sunlight
Teased her eyes... She was his

And when the winter came
He built her a fire
The flames flickering on her face
He traced their shadow.. She was his.

She bloomed in his arms
She danced in his shadow
Basked in his love
She had everything.. she was his

But all seasons must go
So did this one too
She burnt in his flames
And screamed out his name

But there were no more lilacs
Or sweet stories to tell
There was no one there
To want her love
It was just a dream
And only there, was she ever his.

- RKS

The Pause Day 296

Breathe in... Let it be calm
Find a moment of rest
The world won't stop
You must find pause

Breathe out... Open your eyes
Look around you it's a reflection
Of what is inside you
You see beauty when you feel beautiful
You feel the depths of emotion
When you are open to the feeling

Breathe in... The space around you awaits
Take it all in it waits for no one
Your battles will never end
There is no one to rescue you
You are your own champion
You are your own savior

Breathe out...Take charge and command the air
It moves with your rhythm
It sings to your melody
The passions of your sighs
Change the mood of the night
The laughter from your lips
Colors the spirit that moves around you

Breathe in now... Let the world celebrate you.

- RKS

The Ghost Day 295

It sometimes feels like the whole world exists in just our minds. It really does, doesn't it? Our perception of time, emotion, our experiences, our interactions… it's just thoughts in our minds, our understanding. And sometimes it feels like we're deep vessels of thought just moving along with the crowd. Each vessel holding it's own perception, it's own point of view… and we walk together yet alone.

We take in what is around us but in our own special way. And then something happens… one of those vessels of body around us breaks our reverie…and we are now aware of something more than their physical packaging, they are sharing thoughts with us. Thoughts not necessarily meant for you but there it is… a different view point of what you recognize. Could be as simple as directions to a place - you would say it differently… or a location, a description, a conversation you happen to hear…an emotional outburst we're not allowed to have. Something which is not related to you… and you're part of someone else's world. We now exist in a different plane. While we look at them as strangers, there are ties that link us as one. We're all in a way images of each other, humans reflecting on other humans.

The ghost it walks among the people
It moves with grace and poise
Floating over the ground but pretending to step
The ghost it speaks to others imitating their mannerisms
The ghost has no heart but must empathize
The ghost has no fear but must be cautious

The ghost it moves among the people
Dancing to their tunes it tries to blend in
It is cold and has no memory
It's focus is in the now and this moment
I watch the ghost smile politely
And hide behind corners when it gets a chance
I watch the ghost move appropriately
And hide in the walls when it gets a chance
I watch the ghost sigh almost painfully
And hide away in excuses when it gets a chance
I watch with no thought, with no recognition
As it walks toward me. I look into it's eyes and see...
It has my eyes... It's the ghost of me.
- RKS