The Nuances of Romance Day 235

Somehow the word "romantic" seems to be thrown around a lot. And I am sure, what I say in here is not going to be what lot of people associate with the meaning of romance. Now that we've the disclaimer aside... This is a blog request, that a friend asked me to write. We have this debate a lot - what it is and the amount of work it entails! I do think I should get him to write his perspective down too, would be kind of fun to compare our different views. But this is my little take on it...

The idea of romance to me has evolved over time. I think as girls, we start off with the image of a prince charming coming and sweeping you off your feet. Fairytales, movies, magazines, friends - they all feed into this notion. There have been so many "standardized" ways of showing it these days. Red roses, chocolates, e-cards, paper cards...it's almost too easy, and yet still so hard.

I don't think the actual "act" matters as much as the "thought" does. And yes this does sound cliché but... at the end of the day a romantic day is one which makes you feel special. You feel like you're floating through your day, you have a goofy smile for no reason, and you can't wait to be with the one you love. Romance is a mould you have to fit into every person... depending on their age, their state of mind and who they are at the core of it.

 

So much is happening in our lives every single day and that one act of sweetness, one simple phonecall or message that's out of the ordinary can be romantic. The adoring eyes, the simple brush of a hand. Waking up early so you can make breakfast, or giving someone a break by helping out when it isn't asked for. A trinket, a flower, a rub, an emotion... Anything can be portrayed in the way we go about it. I think any and every day can be that way, it is just the way we take it in.

 

I don't believe romance is a one way street. I think along with being a recipient, we must also give back and hence inspire more in return! It's a secret language or thread which keeps you close to someone. Makes you think fondly of them... makes you smile every time you see them. There are grand gestures and yes those can be amazing... but in the end, it will be the simplest thought, the right words, a certain look exchanged, the kiss good night, the perfect song playing, the beautiful night.. something small and everything will be... dare I say, perfectly romantic?

 

Her Walk Day 234

And she walked with a freedom she had claimed
Free in her mind, she walked with a pride she had found
Her thoughts her own to command, desires hers to discover
She walked with a sense of acceptance of herself.

And she smiled with a freedom that lit up her eyes
Free in her body, unshackled from expectation
Her dance, her melody... she moved for herself
She smiled with an understanding of her existence.

And she talked words of freedom that came from her heart
Speaking without fear, she told the stories that stirred within
Her moments that she could claim without a need for them
She celebrated her moods and spoke of who she was.

She moved with the wind, she held strong among a crowd
Talk of the town, feared and lusted, desired and avoided
Judged and undefined, envied and loved, forsaken and admired.
She watched the currents she would stir within them
And she walked... she walked with the freedom she had claimed
She danced with the understanding she didn't need to impart
She celebrated, and spoke when she chose to.
She belonged to no one and she knew she was free.

- RKS

Fluid You Day 233

In some of our strongest emotions we find our mind quiet. In some of our quietest moments we find our emotions raging. It is strange how much is said when nothing is said at all. We embrace joy that we know will lead us to an end. We try to experience new dimensions by holding on. We try new experiences by letting go. We laugh when we're sad, we cry when we're happy.

We seek independence but cannot suffer loneliness. We dream but are afraid to follow. We fear that which we cannot imagine, we imagine what we fear. Caught in a maze, lost in straight lines... we live in blurred lines, we find life within the blurred lines of expectation.

We embrace hardest when we are able to let go. We let go when we're embraced, we hold on when we're pushed away. We love when we hurt, we hurt when we love.. we are grey and white and black and confused and sorted.

We seek answers to questions we can't ask. We give answers to that which we don't understand. We understand what we process, we process what we want to. Memories build around us, we build ourselves from our memories. We attach, we detach... we lean in, we move back. We build, we break... we justify, we deny...

We're beautiful in our existence, we've ugly moments... we're angels and devils, we're defined and undefined. We are predictable and spontaneous. Predictably spontaneous or spontaneously predictable. We are contained and small... we are free and infinite. We're a spectrum of energy, we're invincible. We're stories to tell, we tell stories... flowing in, flowing out... channeling it in, leading it out... we tumble through life, and life tumbles through us.

Up, up in the sky... Day 232

Twinkling stars look down at us every night. When we're lucky enough to see them in their court, it's mesmerizing. Looking up has been such an automatic reaction for me in so many ways. On beautiful nights, looking up at the clear sky. Looking up at the sunsets, the blue sky, the stormy ones. The lightning flashing, the clouds floating. Any moment given to myself and some point, I would look up. So many conversations have been interrupted with - "wow look at the sky, look at the colours" - the rainbows, the moon in it's glory.

There are so many times we feel small in our existence and thought. Life itself seems so contained and finite. And then there are the stars.. representing the vastness of our planet. There is that perfect rainbow, celebrating that perfect warm rain. There is life before us, after us... beyond us, below us and above us. So while laying down and watching the sky float by...  thinking how beautiful this quiet sky is, I recalled this sonnet I had read a while back, and thought I would share it:

Many a patterned clouds, I must have seen
All days of life, so glorious to the eyes;
Quite captivating too, many have been;
What beauty, so enthralling, holds the skies!

And night has shown the starry heaven’s view;
The sun and moon have added splendor much;
And dawn and twilight, awesome with their dew;
-The Master painter’s brush’s magic touch!

And rarely have I seen some rarer sights;
My mind could not discern their meanings still;
What frescoes got displayed by darkness, lights!
God promised me far better things by will!

If skies have wonders breath-taking indeed,
What more the universe can man’s heart feed!
- Dr John Celes

Good night.. let's dance with the stars, hold on to their hope, let their light heal our wounds, and wrap us in their cloak of night. Let them spun dreams of beauty to cross this darkness and lead us to a tomorrow of warmth.

Hands Day 231

Little hands, hold on tight
The world is large, you so small
Protected, feeling of safety
Fingers wrapped tightly.

Young hands, freely exploring
The world is your playground
Fearless, running with abandon
Wind running through your fingers.

Delicate hands, you are beauty
The world sighs at your sight
Graceful, young heart filled with hope
Playing of your hair in your fingers.

Entwined hands, clasped in your lovers
The world is yours to discover
Realization, racing with emotion
Tenderness wrapped in your fingers.

Nurturing hands, you hold a child
The world lies in your lap
Guarding, caring, your heart smiles
Fingers caressing to sleep.

Aging hands, you feel the weight of time
The world is moving on, faster now
Nervous, trying to keep up...
Goodbyes slipping through your fingers

Wrinkled hands, hold on tight
Your hands are your eyes, guiding you
Your adventures wrapped in your memories
Your fingers hold on to their thought.

Beautiful hands... soothing hands...
Nurturing, aging, loving, caressing...
Speaking when words couldn't
Your ink, your wisdom, your witness
Your hands... your hands.

- RKS

The Varied You Day 230

There is a variation of moods some days. You swing from one end of a spectrum to another, or you just swing along in the middle ground. Sometimes excited, sometimes quiet... sometimes so much of life occurs in just a few moments. You have the distinct awareness that you will not forget this moment. Your mind is alert, and you watch more closely - listen more closely, almost trying to trap this memory in a photograph in your mind. Truly present in the present...

In a lot of ways, being aware is something that doesn't happen often. We're so caught up in chores and what must be done, what we should be doing. The "aware moment" becomes rarer and rarer. I think I feel a lot of these when standing on the cusp of a change. Whether it is a small one or larger one... a simple step taken for yourself, a step held back for yourself. When we become aware of the mood around us. The darting of the eyes, the energy in the room - is their uneasiness, or comfort? Is there melancholy or contentment? It's very interesting just observing those around us - so much is betrayed by the body language. The smile that doesn't touch the eyes, the thumbs playing with each other in anticipation. The unfocused expression, the bewildered one. A kind heart, mistrust... fear, affection. Even before words voice it, we can read it.

And we ourselves are rainbows of these emotions. We're wearing our moods and thoughts on our faces, in our hands. In the movement of our feet, in the energy level we're portraying - in simple behavior. Eating more, or less - smiling more, or withdrawn. It's just a matter of who is watching, observing. Some days I think of how I woke up, what mood I was in, what frame of mind and progress through the day. Some days it's not as dramatic, others more so :) I think it is our moods which betray the complexity of the human mind. The way we see ourselves and the way we behave... sometimes two different things. The way our intentions are interpreted, the moods which are influenced by simple things - words hurt our ego, our own feeling of self worth.

Mechanical bodies, with functional systems...and then just the birth of "emotion" and suddenly we're so different - we're so complicated, complex. Impossible to summarize, impossible to predict. And some days watching the pendulum swing... watching those complex colours dance, makes you appreciate just how impossible to completely understand we each are.

A thought... Day 229

I miss you in the quiet
That's louder when you're gone
I miss you in the noise
When the calm is harder to find
In the stormy seas of life.
I miss you in my dreams
Your voice leading me to them
I miss you in the dark
Which seems heavier now
I miss you in the light
When I want to share myself
Miss your wanting to know me
Miss your wanting to see me
Miss you in my moments of triumph
When I want to celebrate with you
See your eyes light up with mine
Miss you in my moments of despair
The walls of faith crumbling around me
And I could hide in your familiarity
In the comfort that you provided
Even when you felt inadequate.
I miss propelling you and making you smile
Miss feeling like I was yours and you mine
The secret world we shared
The soft whispers, the unshaken love
I miss the memories, the old and the new
The adventures we were yet to take...
I miss you sharing my fears, my joy
Miss sharing your thoughts, your questions
The comfortable silences, the soft hands
Your warm skin, your smile, dancing eyes..
I miss telling you that... I miss you
Miss you in the quiet when words dance
In my mind and in my loneliness
I find a misplaced smile on my face...
And the simple thought - I miss you.
- RKS

Scrapbooks of Memories Day 228

Was recently rummaging through my older possessions that I had packed when leaving home. Found a lot of memories wrapped inside small trinkets, and dolls. In little embroidered cloths and old diaries where things seemed much larger than life. Found the faith of a child, the untapped beauty of a girl, the nervous woman, the bright-eyed optimist, the dramatic teenager... childhood friends who meant so much more... found so many things I felt I had grown from. Things that have changed me, and molded me. The memory of which became afresh going through those words.

The things that surprised me were the things that have not changed. How some people who meant the world to me as a kid, still do... and always will, even when they have pulled away. How the feeling of the unknown, knowing how life will turn out - the little bit of uncertainty still lives. That it sometimes feels like we're going to embark on an adventure. Do we every truly outgrow all of our younger tendencies?

Rummaging through, the excitement started building up. The stories that are hidden, and the feelings that are associated with everything... the old teddy bear, that had been stitched up too many times. Board games, doll houses, the broken frisbee. Drawings, some terrible poetry... the sweet gifts, the long phone conversations, the walks that would start at dusk and end up with me watching the twinkling stars from home.

Then looking closer you notice, that the books are torn, the colors have faded from the dresses. You realize, some of the people you wrote of have passed on. And the full realization of the amount of time that has passed dawns on you. It is an overwhelming sensation to be aware of the impact that you have had and life has had on you vice versa. You remember the dreams you had... the feelings you held close. The ideas of forever, the fears that kept you up... and you look into who you are today. You look for an echo of that, and in a way start to appreciate who you are more now. Maybe you find disappointment, maybe you find a stranger... either way, it's yours - memories, good, bad... treasured forever. And in a strange way we always do find a way to romanticize the good. We like to believe that our time in those days had meaning, all we went through had purpose... a reason, a significance.

It's strange... I look around me, and I pull at the threads that are so obvious to me. The strong threads that tie us to each other. That have tied us together for so many years... and such little acknowledgment of it. Do we really only move forward by letting go? Can we only grow if we close our desires, fears and mistakes in a suitcase, trap it in a scrapbook and let it affect us only when we so choose? Meeting your past self, is sometimes the best way to get to know your present self...

Whirling in the Wind Day 227

Whirlwind is an interesting word. The formation of a vertical column of air created by something irregular or unstable, picking up power and speed as it grows. To be lost in a whirl, carried off in the wind... a whirlwind of a life.

So many times it feels like our days are just that - we're such powerhouses of energy. Sometimes this remains dormant and allows us to function without taking too much. And sometimes when tapped, we find we're capable of feeling such devastation, we are capable of feeling such incredible passion - we are able to propel and also able to destroy. We get introduced to desires which we haven't even acknowledged, we dream of places which we didn't know we wanted... we hurt at the loss of something we don't own. We attach so fast, we don't let go fast enough. And just when it feels like too much, when we think we can't live without something.. we do.

Looking at things detached, it feels like a little bit of a game we play. Toyed at by events, our reactions dependent on our surroundings, our vulnerable state. The "instabilities" of life build this up within us. It's just a thought I get sometimes when I look around at people... how many of these are dormant heroes, how many of these are quiet untapped powerhouses, who is sinking in the feeling of no return, who doesn't know their potential, who is surrounded by situations that make it harder to see, to think...

We're so shaped by things around us. Everything beats hard on our walls, and we decide what to let in and what not to. Shock hits us, the harsh waves of reality break out glass boundaries... the inevitable balance of good and bad, joy and hurt. I find we can't hide from either... when we even embrace the dark, when we embrace the pain - in spite of our will, joy will find us.

Whirlwinds of change take us away with them... and we find ourselves caught up and lost, once again choosing which end to take... which way to go, which story to tell, which ones to keep to ourselves.