What was said... Day 206

Isn't it strange how the same words said by different people can create different reactions within us? It makes me wonder if the words even matter or it's just the feeling we pass across. We communicate in so many ways to people close to us- the closer you are, sometimes words are just a formality.

Strangers or people we don't value much can say the most harshest of things and we're quick to brush it aside. Put it down as a musing of a deranged person, no real need to consider what they speak of. And in the same way, if we only just get the "feeling" that the person in front of us, who we do trust, is suddenly viewing us in a different light, it is a much bigger deal. It's almost like we need approval from a certain list of people, or maybe it is the idea that we KNOW these people, so they are not allowed to surprise us with a personal opinion we cannot predict or understand.

Sometimes I wonder if "connection" is possible when people are different. When their thoughts aren't echoes of the other. Are we able to form bonds with people in a situation where you don't agree or see something in a certain way? Is it the play of intrigue - does the difference surprise you, pull you in or turn you away?

Well I kind of go astray from the point I wanted to make. Sometimes, you can get the most honest opinions from strangers. The ones who don't fit in our comfortable boxes, the ones who don't agree with us. The ones who are different from who we think we need. Sometimes, you form the deepest bonds with the most unpredictable of people. You find fulfillment in unexpected places, and knowledge from surprising sources.

So perhaps we can take in what we hear - whether its from a friend or a stranger or someone in between, and deem it's value based on its worth and not by its source...

Your Hold Day 205

It's peaceful here, you hold me up in this uncertainty
There is so much to explain, so much to do, there are.
Rights, wrongs and the questions which pound on us
The storm behind us, it's lost in the hold of your eyes

It's beautiful here, you fill me up in this chaos, in this.
You pull me into your grasp like I belong to you, I feel.
Truths, triumphs, strength and weakness melt in me
The rain caresses, it's lost in the hold of your hands

It's safe here, no fear, you keep me close in this flood
The hesitance, reason just fade into whispers, and then.
Complete, found, lost, healed, rebuilt, we write our fate
While you... you hold on to me, holding onto you.

- RKS

The Tide Day 204

You leave with the tide
And I cant stop you leaving
You pull away with the waves
And I can't stop you leaving.

I see the distance in your eyes
And I can't pull you close.
Your hands fidget in my hold
Your breathing distracted,
And you leave with the tide
And I can't stop you leaving.

You pull away with a strength
I can't even start to fight.
Why would you leave us alone
When you could be close...
I ask silently of your lips
But your mind is already gone
You leave with the tide...
And I can't stop me breaking.

- RKS

First Rays Day 203

After a long spell of the rains and the dark cover of the clouds the sun has broken through. It shines brightly on all creation, the drops shimmer in it's light, the world wakes up from it's slumber. The playground of the sun is open now... time for work, time to get things done. Watching two birds repairing their nest from here now. Things must be done, we must keep moving on.

The energy in the rays is infectious, it passes on from one being to the other. The plants rise, straightening from the harsh beating of the rain. The leaves, flowers stretch out in the direction of the sun, trying to soak in more, trying to bathe in its glory. The wet ground dries, the grass, the children on the street - the cats sunbathing, it's almost all in reverence to the sun. Appreciating it more since we have been deprived for so many days, perhaps.

Reminds me of the god Helios, riding in his chariots made of the sun, with sun bathed steeds pulling him, the halo of fire over his head, driving in the track of the skies, giving light throughout the day. So many myths revolve around the ball of energy we see. We try to personify everything we see, the moon, the sun, the stars... everything has a story, a reason, something to make it easy to relate to. We build connections with even the seasons, there is comfort in understanding it. And while sense and logic have it's place... it's perhaps best understood in its simplicity. Just be still, and let the sun dance on your skin... close your eyes and feel its energy awaken you. Blessing of Helios, transmission of heat energy or just, a moment of you  allowing yourself to receive, to give and to feel the undeniable connection we all have to the elements. Whatever it is... enjoy playing with the sun.

Fragile Day 202

We walk a fragile line, try to stay strong on this weak thread
We play with fire, try to forget the scars, or that we ever bled.
In the dark when the smiles don't matter, when the tears are cold
The armor falls to the ground, the fears awake, the lies unfold

I walk a fragile line when I let go, when I let myself feel
When the dreams are just shadows and I crave whats real
When the strength I have starts breaking everything down
My hopes fall, desires break and despair is the loudest sound.

You walk a fragile line when you won't let hope in, won't believe
You hold on to the darkness, refusing love to find you relief
When you hide in your void, don't rise up to glow in your truth
When you let yourself be scared to grow, scared to be you.

We walk a fragile line, try to stay strong in our indiscretions
We dance with blades, protect the other from our affections
We try to live in the castles in each others eyes we once found
We keep breathing, holding each other while we slowly drown.

- RKS

Rain Day 201

The rains are here, the sky alive with lightning, the echo of thunder. When growing up, I remember being surrounded by many such storms, we used to get lightning showers - almost like a firework show of nature. Often times we would lose power and sitting in the dark, watching the night sky so bright - there is a feeling of danger and beauty, coming together. The dance of the Gods, the vicious unforgiving hail, then the soft patter on a tin roof. The smell of the mud in the morning, one of my favorite smells in the world... The first ray of sun breaking through the cloak of clouds, a new start...

The rains will wash away our fears, will wash away the darkness, set it ablaze, set it on fire.
There are the wrongs that have been done, there are the promises we can't keep..
There is letting go, there is holding on. When we shouldn't, when we have no choice.
There is so much we must do, and have to... there is pain, there is hurt... then there is reprise.

The rains are here and we somehow find a way to stitch our dreams together with hope again. Through the smallest cracks, through the thinnest of threads that keep you close to me, I find a new season.. a new start.

Your eyes find me peace, your touch heals
The dark clouds fade in your bright eyes.

The smell of mud fills my senses... a quiet smile dances on my lips.

Amazing Day 200

200... another century mark. Sometimes it feels like that's as much time must have passed since my 100th blog, and other times it feels like I just blinked. Time toying with the mind I guess. I had to look to see when I wrote blog 100 and it was in December last year. A special friend of mine, likes doing this - seeing where we've been to realize where we are at. Kind of giving you a clearer spectrum of how far life has brought you. Last year, December, a cold night I guess - and here I am in May, another year, and it's a gloomy day.

How much have we grown, how much more do we have to grow? Sometimes it feels like everything has changed, it's a new world, another dimension. A lot of contradictory thoughts and approaches we can take to any given day I suppose. Anyway, going to stick with my "tradition" of lists this century mark too... things about me that you might not care to know, but here we go:

10 places that have amazed me:
1. Mauritius - I don't think I can describe this place enough. I have lost count the number of times I have been there and the number of times I have become speechless. The warm ocean, the stars, the music, the feel of the city, the people, the warmth...

2. Australia - yes, this is from a recent trip and was a surprise to me. I didn't know much of it and it truly was so gorgeous. There are so many places that I found amazing. The play of the ocean and the mountains everywhere we went was breathtaking. Though, I must say the barrier reef which is what my fearless blog was on, that whole coral island, seeing the reefs nested in a mountain covered in rain forest was the most spectacular.

3. Roma - this might be a little biased, considering I did grow up here. My love for mountains began here though. They always seemed to be silent witnesses to all that occurred around me. Without thought they would show up in my drawings as a child, the mountain backdrop. The sunsets in Roma, the sunrises from a mountaintop. The walks to the edge of the cliffs, watching the world go by, a stream or  seeing the bareness of a donga. The lushness of the greenery when you got closer to the dams, or the bare, unforgiving rocks - and yet, always holding you close, keeping your secrets.

4. I am seeing a pattern here, but the next place is RattleSnake Mountain - this has to be my favorite hike in the White Mountains, NH. It's a quick ascent up and you can see the lake lapping at the base of the mountain. You can hike down and follow the water, let it lap at your feet. This is on this list, because when I first climbed up there, and sat down on a flat rock and opened my hair, the wind blew through it and I felt so peaceful. I felt so light, like I could fly away with the feeling that was filling me up.

5. Alaska - I would never have thought a freezing cold place would end up on this list, but here it is. The icy roads, the pristine picture perfect scenes, and then the play of mother nature - painting the northern lights on the dark canvas of the night sky. Just an experience that's hard to describe in words... you realize the vastness of space and the universe. The theory of a sun, and its solar ions hitting the atmosphere, getting funneled into the earths magnetic field - its all a reality. We are minute in existence in a way.

6. Seeing an active volcano in Hawaii... Kilaluea, the fury of Earth, the destructive power of lava. I don't know what was more captivating, to see the strength of the core of our planet, the wreckage the taming of the ocean as it defiantly built its arches - or to see the simple, teeniest little green plant rising in its wake... the birth of life all over again.

7. There is a lot in India which has fascinated me...a lot of things do come to mind. But, as if I am to choose one, I do remember one night in Mysore, when seeing the Mysore Palace, first a silhouette in the evening, and then the lights came on. I have seen a lot of palaces, but to see that lit up that way, it just seemed so surreal. The night sky, the stars paling in comparison. The stories it spoke of, it suddenly transported me to another time - beyond where I was standing to another world.

8. The largest trees in the world - hiking among the redwood trees in Big Sur, CA. Walking alongside giants... it's funny how you sometimes have the most powerful feelings when you feel the smallest...

9. The London Bridge. I don't know if it was more fascinating to me because of how much I had read about it as a kid, or because of the structure itself. But I do remember, very clearly standing with my dad watching it let ships through, he had so many stories to tell me of it, was amazing seeing it all come to life. Also, the nursery rhyme... "london bridge is falling down".. kind of made sense!

10. As the last place in this that I would like to add, is...this moment in your mind right now. The one that is smiling and intrigued. The place in our mind where we are, where we can be. Sometimes I feel when we tap into ourselves, when we close our eyes and imagine where we want to be, when we are able to dream - when we're able to expand our thoughts into that space - that is amazing. And being humbled by the strength of the mind, is something that happens to me often.

This list is harder to do than I thought - I don't know if its fair to say these are the MOST amazing things I have seen but rather just a few coming to mind. Just been blessed to experience them and hope all of us find things and moments like this that takes our breath away, gives us a jolt, a calming effect, an amazing adrenaline rush... or just, if anything, inspiration to write :)

Phenomenal Woman Day 199

A poem by Maya Angelou who a friend introduced me to. Just thought I would share one of her poems, got reminded of it today. It always makes me smile, and since that seems to be on the mission list of a few people recently, I hope you're smiling back too when you read this :

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. 

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size 

But when I start to tell them, 

They think I'm telling lies. 

I say, 

It's in the reach of my arms 

The span of my hips, 

The stride of my step, 

The curl of my lips. 

I'm a woman 

Phenomenally. 

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me. 

I walk into a room 

Just as cool as you please, 

And to a man, 

The fellows stand or 

Fall down on their knees. 

Then they swarm around me, 

A hive of honey bees. 

I say, 

It's the fire in my eyes, 

And the flash of my teeth, 

The swing in my waist, 

And the joy in my feet. 

I'm a woman 

Phenomenally. 

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me. 

Men themselves have wondered 

What they see in me. 

They try so much 

But they can't touch 

My inner mystery. 

When I try to show them 

They say they still can't see. 

I say, 

It's in the arch of my back, 

The sun of my smile, 

The ride of my breasts, 

The grace of my style. 

I'm a woman 

Phenomenally. 

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me. 

Now you understand 

Just why my head's not bowed. 

I don't shout or jump about 

Or have to talk real loud. 

When you see me passing 

It ought to make you proud. 

I say, 

It's in the click of my heels, 

The bend of my hair, 

the palm of my hand, 

The need of my care, 

'Cause I'm a woman 

Phenomenally. 

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me.

So nice Day 198

A blog request tonight, been on my list for a while... so here is a "nice" blog :)

When growing up, it seemed to be a requirement - to be nice, to play nice. To be fair, to be giving, to share more. And somehow growing into the world "nice" is considered somewhat a weakness. Now I hear, "you are too nice", "don't be so nice, you will be used", "no one plays fair".

How does "nice" change from a promoted quality to almost a liability? I think it is because being nice comes with a certain set of requirements or expectations for a lot of people. One, it's so hard to assume someone is JUST nice. There has to be an ulterior motive, a hidden purpose somewhere, maybe just collecting favors. If nothing obvious, then maybe it's a mockery or an ego booster. There has to be a selfish gain, a degrading reason, just has to be.

The next assumption I guess for nice to work is that the person you are nice to, is nice back too! Nice enough to appreciate, nice enough to be nice back, maybe just be a good receiver if nothing else. But to not take advantage, and use your niceness for self gain. Can we exist in such a state, where we are not only nice but are also able to be graceful on the receiving end? To only take as much as we need... to give abundantly?

We are in a world that seems so self fulfilling sometimes. Everyone watches out for themselves, self-centered in a way. There are reasons why we all have our guards up, why we react the way we do. Everything comes with its own boundaries, there is only so far you must go, so much you should do. Be kind, be forgiving - sometimes the simplest nice act you do in a day affects a person so much more than we ever realize. Maybe it will be forgotten, but give the world the best you have, even if it might not be enough for others. In the end, it's not between you and them, it's between you and your own state of being, your soul or your God or whatever fuels your sense of self worth. It's personal.

Nice... it's not one of my favorite words. It seems bland in a lot of ways, too basic a word. The quick description given in passing. It's almost like a given to me, a starting point. And maybe that's what nice should be - to be where we begin. The state of being which allows us to be kind and caring. Allows us to connect to other beings and through giving this way, we find we can grow in ourselves, grow in our peace, grow in our ability to empathize, to experience and accept. Sadly though, sometimes nice will hurt and I guess we need to learn how to walk away without getting scarred, without giving up on the notion that it is the calmest most natural way we were meant to be.

Tired Day 197

Tired in my soul, tired in my heart

Tired of fighting, tired of doing whats right.

Find me peace, find me my rock, let me rest tonight.

Tired in my head, tired in my eyes

Tired of thinking, tired of being strong

Find me my quiet where I can be tonight.

Tired of running, tired of standing still

Tired of understanding, tired of being sensible

Find me childish joy and let me bask in it tonight.

Tired of being tired, tired of feeling helpless

Tired of the battles, tired of fighting for hope

Find me a simple dream I can believe in tonight.

Tired of asking, tired of giving

Tired of waiting, tired of being scared

Free me, let me live... if only for tonight.

- RKS

Difference of Opinion Day 196

Sometimes I think we're saying goodbye to something every single day. Whether it is a feeling or a belief, or an achievement, even something as simple as a task that needs to be done. A desire, a version of the future we imagined, a dream we must now forget. Some nights we say goodbye to sleep, sometimes a friend, sometimes a part of ourselves... we come out of the cocoon and let a part of you go. Sometimes the goodbyes are more obvious... most of all, goodbyes always hurt, they signify the end..

Then sometimes, I think we're saying hello to something every single day. Whether it is a feeling, or a new way to believe, or to the challenge of a new achievement, something as simple as a task that we promise ourselves we need to do. A fresh desire, a better version of a future, an inspiring dream. Some nights we say hello to the stars that take us to new experiences, sometimes to a new person who opens up new sides to ourselves... we come out of a cocoon and let ourselves discover something new. Sometimes these hellos are more obvious... most of all, hellos always open us up, they signify a new journey.

Storm Day 195

Drizzle, the clouds come together
The storm sets in your eyes as you pull away
The first drops hit the ground, loud in my ears
The light fades away with each step you take
The wind commands the space, blowing hard
The void deepens within, the silence loud.

Washed away in this torrent, everything drenched
The fragile rope of hope pulls taut, everything questioned
Shelter must be found, the feet urge the body to move
Shelter robbed, where can we hide that the hurt wont follow?
The rain blinding, the angry storm claims it all
The pain deafening, the silent resignation took it all.

Fury of nature, the claiming of its throne...
Fallen, like leaves... broken, like twigs..
Floating through these rivers, following the flow
Meeting in the ocean, giving in to the storm
Leaving in the ocean, giving in to the storm...

- RKS

Fall, fall, fall Day 194

Falling from the trees, losing your footing, falling through the leaves, scraped, the petals falling on you too, falling has no fear, there is peace in seeing the sky above you... it's hitting the ground that hurts.

Falling from grace, giving up that which we hold on to with pride, throwing us into our humble shells which grow more comfortable the longer we live in it. Falling has no shame... it is hitting the ground that startles you.

Falling in love, falling through the spaces... there is release in this fall, the wind cradles you like a hammock, freeing you from chains, pushing you to feel that which you haven't. Falling has no fear...it is hitting the ground that scares you.

Falling out of favor, falling on my face... there are cuts and bruises, much deeper than the skin, they hurt, they burn, but they force us to grow, force us to learn. Falling has no dilemmas, you give in and let go... its hitting the ground that makes you choose.

Falling into place, falling into line - we find the simple ways to feel we belong, falling has no judgment, falling is consuming... it is hitting the ground that leads to prejudice.

Fall, fall, fall, let me fall - let me live in this free fall, there is release in this fall.. ....fall, fall, fall... falling into your arms... maybe I won't hit the ground.

Miss You Day 193

I miss the smile that plays shyly on your face
Which seems to come out when my eyes find yours
I miss the way you know what to say to me
When you use your touch and not words
I miss the way the sun would play with your hands
Melting in your palms, like my cold fingers do
I miss the sound of your voice, your song
Beautiful and powerful, then soft like a lullaby...
I miss you in a lot of ways, but mostly simple
Without explanation, without reason, simple
Without bending to virtue or with expectation
Without desire, nor greed...I miss you within
I miss you when I am without, and then again..
Within the gaps of myself, in the darkness
In the places you have yet to discover
In the times, I am too afraid to ask for you
I miss you in my quiet moments...
Whenever your eyes are away, your hands out of reach
When the desire beats hard and the world harder
I miss you, when you're not with me
I miss you when you are and I can't claim you
When I want to, but can't open up
I miss you when I don't want to.
Yes, I miss your smile that seems to come
Whenever your eyes find mine.

-RKS

The Dancer Day 192

On a canvas of dreams, you paint your story. You twirl and rise, the net flowing in your rhythm. The music frames your movement, leading you...or do you lead the music, making it follow the melody of your feet?

Soft and gentle, tempestuous and aggressive, commanding and vulnerable... invoking color into the canvas, your expression flowing from your mind, to your body setting the mood. Every eye on you, your color fills up the room.

Floating on water or invoking the Gods... the song in your heart, the portrayal of your soul. Do you tell your story or mine, do you strum the words that speak to me without words... On a canvas of dreams, you take me with you, you give me wings too, we dance without care, we dance because we're alive, because sometimes there is nothing else to do. There is energy in life, there is energy within us, and between explaining and talking and trying and failing and succeeding and hoping and losing and winning and living and dying... there is expression, there is desire, there is your being wanting to shout out, wanting to let it go, wanting to let thought and reason fade, to set sail in this ocean of music and twirl and jump, rise, and fall... and keep painting.. on this canvas of dreams, we all float on, we escape, we leave behind a story of beauty, an unforgettable tale. For a time, we can be who we desire, we can feel without shame... on a canvas of dreams, we tell our story...

Effect of Expression Day 191

If thought were not expressed... would we be able to revel in the depths of our emotion? If no poet,  writer, or director, or actor emoted what the brilliance of thought could be, what shape romance could take, would we be able to give name to our own tornadoes of feelings that stir within us, or would they just pass by, without any further thought?

Would love be so magnanimous, would romance be given the throne it is, if we hadn't seen it through the eye of an artist, the white sari, the rain, the beach scenes, the perfect speech... the sudden act of spontaneity, the extremity, the pull to one person. It's all expressed so beautifully in the written word, in the cinematic world... we grow up with it, and I wonder sometimes if we realize the influence of what we read, what we see makes on us.

It is that which makes us "literate" - it is what gives us new direction to think. We understand better by seeing another being, whether it is a character in a movie or a muse of a poem - if we can see them, their world for a minute, their effect, we in a way relate to what/who they are and perhaps even what we are not.

There is beauty, there is pain, there is tragedy, there are places we will never go and there are things we might never see - and yet we do, through someone else's vision, someone else's thought. The thought to share, the simple idea to tell a story... put it on camera, and share it. And through that thought - through that persons eye, we see and travel with them.. for a little while, we see through their mind, through their eye. And maybe in those moments, we are being affected more than we realize...

Would snow covered mountains, a beautiful campfire, the candles lit everywhere, the warm rain... would all of this be as beautiful as our minds eye now takes us to be... do we all have the same story to tell, or are we all able to relate, because we have been told the same story, in one version or the other... Thought twister maybe.... but if thought were not expressed, so much of our life, so much of our emotion would pass on as mere coincidence... through acknowledging it, through sharing it - through experiencing it, we are experiencing a bigger world... a wider space...a greater story... and maybe leaving a changed world in its wake.

Runaway Day 190

Running into the dark, my feet aren't fast enough
Must move, they come riding on horses, they come blind
They come raw, they come heartless, they come fast
Eyes darting, the uneasiness taking over, the nervous dance
Run, run, run... there must be somewhere to hide
There must be shelter to find, there were promises made
There were stories told of a safe place, a sanctuary

The despair takes over, as the waves crash
The dark rocks loom as silhouettes, watching
Will they keep my secret, will they sell me out?
Betrayed, I sleep in the shadow of my enemy...
Run, run, run... the chant in my thoughts

Feet don't move, the fight gone, I feel their cold breath
They come with their dark eyes, their weapons
They attack with their silence, they loom large
Do they not see me in the dark, in their shadows?
The dawn will break, the spell will end...
Run... No! still. Stay still...still... still...

- RKS

Unfolding Day 189

It's strange how you wake up with a certain idea of what the day will be like. You imagine it in a certain way based on your mood, your feeling, your first sniff of the morning air... and then when the day is over, and you lay in bed, when you do contemplate what has unfolded in the day - there always is something unpredictable. Something good or bad or something that just invoked an emotion. I guess that is why they say you always learn something new everyday.

Time is sometimes such an abstract thought, and yet when you are able to look back at a chain, follow an event back to its source, it becomes tangible. You realize just how swift the current flows. You realize so many lives and stories are getting formed, given birth, some reaching their end, some continuously metamorphosing. Paths we choose, decisions we make - the simplest of choices, and your day can go in a different direction.

There are days when the most there is to learn in inside of you. I spent a lot of my earlier time trying to observe and figure out people around me, understand their motives. And then it suddenly shifted to me, and I started trying to figure myself out. It's an ongoing process and I honestly don't think there will be an age when you will know what is inside of you in and out. You are a being that is continuously growing and expanding, taking in so much of the world. There will be emotion that will surprise you, there will be things to regret, things to cherish - and they all come to be with the simple act of waking up and starting your day. A day you expect to go as planned, a day you expect to pass by quickly... and one day we realize that these "days" are waves in the river of time, and when we thought we were just going through a normal day, when nothing struck us in form or shape of any large event or magnificent story, it is in those days when we are unfolding, shedding skin - taking it in. Unfolding everyday, getting raw, getting strong... trying to hold on, trying to let go.

Intention Day 188

This is something that's been on my mind for a little bit now. The intention of things. Everything we do is with some form of intention. We smile with the intention to be polite. We work hard with the intention to achieve. We worry, we care with the intention of taking care of those close to us. We attempt, we create with the intention to succeed. There is always an intention... we eat with the intention to remove our hunger... from the basic tasks to the deeper ones, there is intention - there is a motive, there is a reason.

This reason, this logic makes things make sense. It gives us a feeling of purpose. It gives us a feeling of achievement. Then there are those intentions which aren't with any specific destination or  with any strong motive. It is just a simple behavior, we care without thought, without destination - but as a result, things we do are with intention. We make the assumption, the person in front of us will be aware of our intentions. How can they not be?

And yet so many times we find ourselves misunderstood, put on a witness stand of sorts. Where does the communication break down between two people? Is it just the different wavelength, is it being more open to someone? Is getting to know someone really a matter of time? That might be a blog of its own, but its just a little deflating when your good intention, a simple good thought, leaves havoc in its wake. I don't know... sometimes I think why do I write here, other than a self imposed challenge I think it is with the intention to communicate. The intention to share. The intention to give a life to the thoughts I have, so that they may live outside my mind. And when the intention, when the promise is kept to myself, it's one of the few times I cannot be misunderstood.

To wrap up - I guess something we can do is try to find the intention within us, find what is driving us to make the choices we do. Know you're not a slave to any constant or opinion, we do have the power of changing, we just need to decide, have the thought, and it is done.. just through the "intention" to be free..

Out of Reach Day 187

Why do you elude me?
Whose company is it that you prefer?
In whose ears do you whisper
The sweet songs which give rest
In whose eyes are the sweet dreams you weave?

Why do you not touch me
Why do you not hold me when I ask
Do you not see me here with no mask
Just me, open to you, waiting for you
To take me to your place of wonder?

Why do your fingers not play with my hair?
Why is there someone else in your arms?
Whose eyes have you captive?
Whose heart holds you there...
Fallen, I look to you, you're my solace

Weary, I await.. staring into the dark
Just some of your dust, and I will sleep
Why do you keep me at a distance?
Find me when I am broken, and take me in deep
Cradle me in your hands, hush my tears away
You give me rest, just enough...
You heal my wounds, just enough.

You keep me awake, you take your magic
You elude me, you keep me wanting...
Your blanket of rest, the quiet mind
The evaporated thought, the hushed pain
A moment of peace, sleep... and you're gone.

- RKS

The Rhythm of Time Day 186

Time, it found us and carried us in its waves
Brought two shores together, it brought us here
Eyes met in the salty mist, we played, it steered
Cracking with tenderness, the wall slowly caves

It took us under, submerged, carried us to its depths
Time, it took the fear out as we embraced as one
Tangled in each other, it lit us as bright as the sun
Could such euphoria have ever been felt?

Time, showed its cruel side, it pulled us apart
Crushing cold air into us, the storms pulled you
Breaking, shattering, getting lost in the dark blue
Guarding with ferocity the jewel of your heart

Time, it keeps watch on us now, its dark eyes I see
Teasing, goading, I watch its rhythm, watching it break
Watching it on its lonely throne, flinching in its own ache
Patiently, I wait for time to bring you back to me.

- RKS

Observing Day 185

Feel like in a daze today, brain is tired today, not putting on any masks or participating in anything around it. Just an observer...

It's interesting when you walk in a room full of people, the different roles people take on. You have the eager ones, the attention seeking ones, the loud ones, the sidekicks, and then the observers... The larger the group, I definitely fall more into observer mode. Sometimes like today when the mind is tired, it comes easier. It is interesting to see the ocean of people around you, their reactions to the same surroundings, their behavior and interactions.

Yet sometimes the observing isn't just the people. They drift into a sort of white noise and it's just staring at the skies, at the reflections in the water, focusing on the wind, focusing on nothing, except feeling yourself going through this day of life, this day where so much gets missed when we're distracted. The color of the bridge, the lights of the city, the fresh buds coming out, the melody of the chirping birds.. just going into a quiet, allowing ourselves to listen. Life is always happening around us, and it's I guess some of these days when you can go into that space easily and breathe deeply, keep your senses awake and just observe the day unfold into the night... the night dance with the stars.. the stars cradling you to sleep.. before dawn sends the shy night away...

You and I Day 184

You are the space between my thought and my words

The sorrow I drown in my throat, you're the whisper

Lost in the winds that bow to none, that stop for no one.

You are my heaven, you are my hell, you are my savior

My destroyer, you make me strong, you bring me to my knees

You lift me up, you make me laugh, you hide from my tears

You are the space between my dreams and reality

The places I fear to go, you bring me there, you're the way

Trusting blindly that which I do not, that which doesn't love

You are my light, you embrace my dark, you are my guardian

You push me away, you pull me close, you feed my soul

You burn my heart, you make me smile, you run from my ache..

You are my healer, you are my constant, my force field

You are the winds of passion under my wings, you are my quiet

You are the rhythm in my feet, you are my prisoner or am I yours

You are my salvation, you are my demon, you are my fear

You build my courage, you make me vulnerable, you hold me

You hold me... you hold me when you're gone

You have me... even when you don't want me..

You are my truth, you are the lie in my soul, and I...

I... am the space between you and I.

- RKS

One of "those" blogs :) Day 183

Does every relationship we form have a destination - is there something you contribute to everyone you meet? By your decision to stay or leave, are you changing their course, making an impact that you are "meant" to fulfill? Or are we just waves and our indiscretions, choices and circumstances of our own creation are just directing the story?

I like to think there is an impact we have to make. And we should do it gracefully. Smile when your heart aches, laugh when there's no good reason, close your eyes and let things go. Sometimes, bound in a web of people and things to do, it weighs us down. Makes us question why we're in the place we are at, when we can imagine a better one. Makes us wonder IF there is a better one... how do you know at the end of the day...

There are so many stories inside of us, and if we really are just players on this stage, we're bound to have our stories entangled. Decisions we make, choices for the "greater good"... do we really hold the strings or are we fighting against gravity? Does destiny exist and the battles and hardships just ways for us to find our way to it...

A lot of the time when things are overwhelming, when friends and family and strangers and the "complicated" and I wonder if we are headed anywhere, if we should let go or hold on in silence, in reserve... I think at that point I realize we're moving too fast for any solid ground to be found. We're on a journey and the questions and ache cannot be answered, just acknowledged. The doubts, the stolen joys, the questioned contentment, the unprovoked laughter - its all part of it. In every day of our life, the only constant, the only relationship you can depend on, is the one you have made with yourself. Be honest with yourself, make peace, forgive, hold... no one can comfort you if you don't allow it. No destination can be found, if you're not ready to walk...