A Page in TIme Day 77

Existence before our time - in places beyond our imagination - there has been life before you and will most probably be there after you. What that life was - how that life was is all deductions and I guess your own imagination.

Going to a lot of historical sites and imagining the life that must have existed there - it can take your mind to far off places. The same spot at which you stand - someone must have scurried through it - perhaps there must have been an urgency in their motion. Their thoughts, the purpose -the vision, the ideas - we try so hard to reconstruct it all. The reason for building this structure - the study of the skeleton, the building - ah yes, their must have been a strong idea of x belief.

Yet it's so amazing standing there and wondering - how did such magnificent creations come to exist. What man was able to use architecture to capture the solstices? The logic, the comprehension - the mathematical or spiritual state of the mind... there is so much that must have gone on to create all these amazing structures we see in front of us.

The amount of laborers, their stories - their motivation - their skilled hands, the muse of the creation, the imagined purpose of the creator.. And yet here today - it stands abandoned, with just echoes of the past. Us walking through these grounds and halls - our shadows falling where theirs must have. Our feet following the same direction... the emotion, the passion... can we ever really feel that? The months of turmoil or happiness that could have been experienced can't be showcased in a tour. The secrets whispered, the smaller "insignificant" happenings - the day-to-day, we can only imagine.. we can only attempt to understand.

History is funny in that way - as everyday we've crossed, we're adding to it. And maybe one day - someone will try to interpret something you said or wrote.. some expression of art, architecture or achievement. The tables will turn and your existence will be summarized and perhaps the true essence of your being lost in translation. If only - we could capture the soul of the monument, of people - if we could capture the desire, the feeling, then our existence wouldn't be futile - our emotion, our angst, our success - everything, would stand immortal.. free for interpretation to any mind willing to listen.

The Silver of the Ocean Day 76

There is this time when the sun rays hit the water just right that the surface of the ocean shines and has an almost silver look to it. You often see it in the distance, and well, I guess you need to look for it as I realized not a lot of people have noticed it :)

It's one of those things that fascinate me. I know I have blogged earlier about being in awe of the ocean but there is something about being on a ship - going further into this majestic body of water where you see no shore in sight. There is just you and water.. and amazing shades of water. You cannot imagine the world below you, you cannot see the world you recognize - a hostage, an adventurer - you belong to the ocean and its moods.

The waves carry you, they sway you - even the mightiest of vessels is just a plaything in the water. The winds, the moon, the sun, the silver... everything in its clasp - churning, breathing, it has a life of its own.

What are your secrets?
What stories do you keep hidden?
Whisper me a tale of the adventurer
Who searched for your silver..

Do you keep the promises shared with you
Do you just charm the seekers?
Dance with the wind, play with the moon
Churn your silver and lure in the fools...

Silver in the sun, lost at night
I can't walk on your sheath
I can't go to higher ground
I am captive, I am free..

You sing me a lullaby, rock me to sleep
You weave me in a web of magic
You drown me in your sorrow...
Lonely, alone - we breathe as one.

- RKS

Further but Closer Day 75

So have some catching up to do.. went on a 7 day vacation where I was cut off from the world. Anyway - definitely took in a lot of the world and had several "blogs" floating around in my head - so maybe it was an inspirational break :)

Inspiration is interesting in a way - how things around you force you to think in a certain way. Not even force - but help you imagine a different way... a new sense of direction. You find yourself overwhelmed by feelings you enjoy, you see, you feel and find a way to express it. In my case - through these words. But it is interesting in the sense that for you to tap into the inspiration - you need to have your mind in a similar frame... to be able to tap into the feelings that moment conceals. Often times, the only time we realize the significance of a moment is when it has become a memory.

One part of this trip was being cut off from all communication with the outside world. No cell phones, no emails, no internet, nothing at all. It was interesting observing how different people handled this news differently. There were the couldn't-be-happier to the couldn't-sit-still-out-of-discomfort series. It wasn't so long ago when cellphones weren't so common..  so it was a nice reminder of how things were then.

It was hard keeping track of people, we now needed to communicate and have some sort of schedule. Be aware of everyone's logistics in general. But other than that - I sort of liked it. There is definitely an itch inside your head - wishing I could write on this blog, talk to some people... share a thought, send that birthday wish.. but there is a sort of comfort in not knowing. In the world of your belief and comfort - you imagine someone thinking good thoughts of you, missing you, knowing and understanding you better - you imagine a situation or a feeling associated with the memory of a person more than the actual facts.

Sometimes with this age of technology, so many of our happy "illusions" go away. We are always there to remind you that man is complicated and no relationship is perfect. That there are priorities bigger than you and there's just too much to do in too little time... everything must be channeled into efficiency. No time for the personal, no time for the explanation. And yet, sometimes like this trip - it's nice to use words, to read hand written notes that are slipped under your door, to feel good in a good memory of a moment that belongs to you. To believe in the idea of good intention being communicated without the need of expression. And sometimes, it's just nice to get lost in a place no cellphone can ring, and no email or lack of one or work or commitments can bring you down - you can really just walk on the beach, lay in a hammock and soak in the inspiration... slowly soak in those moments while they become memories.

Changeling Day 74

Change is necessary - uncomfortable at times but necessary. It's not always the big life changing kinds either.. sometimes we need a little push, a little surprise from fate or life to change our point of view. You get so engrossed in a certain routine, change helps you grow and expand out your horizons.

A lot of time we fear change because it is the world of the unknown..We don't understand the unknown - we cannot trust the unknown.. a sense of uneasiness, insecurity comes when thinking of it. Will we handle it well, what if there are new challenges and new battles - do we have the strength to fight, to stand up again?

Well change is definitely challenging - going out into the world and almost testing yourself out. Are you really as strong as you have built yourself up to be? But there is a different side of change - it is a side which forces you to grow and forces you to experience things that you have closed yourself to. Experience depths of emotions you might never discover if the routine hadn't changed

There are so many kinds of changes - situations can change... people can change. The biggest changes you can make are to your own attitude. If you don't like something about yourself, or an attribute - change it. Change is nothing more than retraining yourself - as long as you're willing to go down a new path - to take in what comes your way.

The kinds of change that hurt though are when you're pushed into one you're not ready for. You feel the panic around you ,a desperation to revert back to what you know - what you felt content in. Some times we can't choose what happens to us, and why it does - maybe, we should just follow the script and see where it leads us to.. it might be a new happiness - a new point of view... or maybe somewhere where you feel more you than you've before.

Cruelty Day 73

There is a thin line between what can be justified and what cannot. There is so much out there that cannot be explained no matter how hard you try. Cruelty - why do we have so much of it around us?

I don't want to share too many of the horrible stories that happen around us - because more than the incident, I want to question the intention. I read a story today that stuck in my head and it just got me thinking about it. I do get a certain irrational burst of anger - we might go through extreme emotions.. but somewhere, somehow sense should prevail right?

Yet it often times doesn't - there are endless victims, there are fights for justice, there are reasons why I am even writing this blog. Beyond the usual quest for self realization and preservation - how does man find the right to be greater and bigger than any existence - be it a child, an animal or anyone at all? When does torture become justified - when does humanity die, empathy die - how do we reach a state of utter madness which drives us there?

I don't believe that people committing these acts are necessarily insane - but something has to be off. Its these acts which put fear in our mind when catching a late night train, when leaving your child, when believing in someone - it's what makes you watch your back - makes you follow that instinct to stay away. It is acts which don't necessarily happen to you - but remind you regardless - the world we live in is far from perfect - the innocent do not always get protected and some times, good deeds don't go unpunished.

Cruelty is just an excuse for not dealing with your own emotions - it's being unable to process what you feel, to face the battle inside you - so you leave the wounded around you. Instead of healing - the gash bleeds more, the blood falls all around you. While these are crimes which deserve to be punished - there are crimes of those who watch, who don't speak - who let it happen. Who choose to watch their back instead of making an effort to change, to protect. And as long as its more comfortable to live in fear - we'll always hear of the stories like today - one more victim down, just lucky it wasn't us.

The Train Day 72

Spending a large amount of time on the train during a commute, gives you a lot of time to contemplate, catch up on your thoughts, reading etc - but every now and then, I like to watch the people around me. There are so many kinds of people and it's an interesting platform to see them - everyone headed somewhere with some purpose - what's the story behind their faces?

Every now and then - theres the guy who you see holding flowers or a single rose. Must be sweet - must have a lucky woman waiting for him somewhere. You can sometimes see the smile on their face or their concern on the condition of the flower by constantly checking on it.

There's the frustrated traveler - annoyed by the crowd, annoyed by the delays, even the smallest of delay or interference is directed personally at them. Very vocal about it too :) The quiet traveler, sticks to himself - does not make eye contact... looking down, anywhere but a passenger... hiding an insecurity or just total lack of interest of the present?

The ogler - everyone getting a good glance - don't know if they are really contemplating the story behind their faces, or something a little less complicated :) There are the artistic ones too - their clothes, sense of dressing, behavior is somehow different. They often catch your eye as interesting - makes me wonder of how they would view the world around you. It's always interesting how even being in the same situation we go through different experiences.

The fashionistas - dressed way off weather and with way-too-uncomfy-heels or some other fashion trend. In their confidence of sorts, there's a hidden insecurity too that I sometimes find fleeting in their eyes. The ardent reader - lost in a world that's literary - that exists beyond the confines of a train and a mechanical journey to destination X. The fretting mom, the children excited by the stops and the names - the "choo choo" that comes and goes... the tourists paying close attention to everything - analyzing, taking it in. Everything even that small amount of time in the train is adding to their impression of the city.

The homeless who find their sanctity on trains in cold days.. the different - the girl who talks to her imaginary companion, the sick - the old.. the gentleman who gives up his seat. Every day there are a sea of faces coming in and going out - everyone headed somewhere - some place to go... some place to be, some life to live - but for the moment, we share this transition - we share this piece of existence - on these tracks, we travel together.

Chocolate.... Day 71

What do we have deeper quest for... conversation, or chocolate?

Coming soon... :)
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So had a deep craving for chocolate yesterday - not just any kind of chocolate. 56% dark cacao chocolate with some ginger in it - it's a new thing I have been enjoying. Have you found how chocolate is most of the time (except for the crazy people we will ignore at this time) associated with a deep love of sorts?

So I am dedicating this blog to chocolate and the wonderful world that surrounds it. So chocolate comes from the seed of the cacao tree. Now if you don't know - chocolate, especially the dark variety, is rich in anti-oxidants, and has copper, iron, zinc, and magnesium nutrients which can only do good things to you :) So yes, this blog is very educational and aimed at the readers well being.

Seriously though, I used to be the average chocolate eater - hersheys kisses, snickers, its all chocolate right? Then I found out about these "elite chocolate parties" - where chocolate is served almost like a wine sampling? The smallest bites are enough for you to understand the different concentrations and varieties. Digging further, uncovered a store where they sell shots of chocolate - I guess you can call it hot chocolate, but its a very pure form of it and even though it is just a few sips at the end of it - it really does the job for you!

Chocolates aren't created equal and you can in general notice that there is a correlation between quality and price... High quality chocolates generally have larger amounts of cocoa butter and cocoa solids. So when choosing a chocolate - you need to look that it has a glossy surface - and when you break it, it should make a clean "snap" sound. When eating chocolate - your nose is your best friend, so gently rub your finger on top of the surface and then smell your finger - it shouldn't smell of vanilla or any other extract. And for the final sensory experience since we've done sight (viewing it), sound (hearing the snap), touch (finger melting), smell - we can proceed to tasting it! It should have a velvety smooth feel to it - you have to figure out what kind of chocolate works for you - the kinda that gives you an intense burst of flavor right away, or slowly lingers on. You might enjoy the different surprising flavors, red chilies or as my initial craving of ginger adds to it!

Okay I can go on and on about this topic - so let me just leave it as - there's a whole world of chocolate out there - so go explore and enjoy the sensory treat of it all! :)

The Clasp of Consequence Day 70

If you touch something hot you will burn. If you jump off a ledge, you will most probably die or get paralyzed. You do, you learn, you see, you learn - eventually your mind is able to decipher what can hurt you and what cannot. It is the consequence of every action you carry out. There is consequence to all we do - good or bad, even living life in a neutral state of mind will have some affect to some one or something that will eventually cause a reaction somewhere.

No matter how timidly we live life - nothing we do is small or inconsequential. Every day of your life - every attempt you make to state or speak your mind, every attempt you make to not - every time you hold back, every time you give in - everything has an impact. We're all clasped together through this invisible chain.. and we can never be invisible, no matter how hard we try.

There are consequences which aren't as simple as the hot stove or the ledge - the consequence of obeying your instinct, of listening to a strong emotion. The consequence of doing things on your own terms - of being receptive. There are forever forks of choice we encounter in our lives - there are always incidents around us that demand a reaction - whether that reaction is even to ignore it - that ignorance will have an impact.

This clasp of consequence is bound to us by just being human. You have endless power in you, and endless capacity to feel beyond reason, to give with abundance, to impact, to create, to interact, to build, destroy, start, build, continue - and the best part is, all you have to do is be yourself.

Light Day 69

Asatoma Sat Gamaya

Tamasoma Jyotir Gamaya

Mrityorma Amrutam Gamaya

Sarveshaam shantir bhavatu

Sarvesham mangalam bhavatu

(From falsehood to truth; From darkness to light; From death to immortality; Let there be peace everywhere; Let there be prosperity everywhere...)

There are a few days that stand out in my mind as incredibly nostalgic. This time of the year is one of those.. I remember the rush of excitement when Diwali was round the corner. Living away from India - a lot of things were done impromptu. We'd make sweets at home - gulab jamuns, buying candles, chopping them into 3 pieces to have more to light around, clay diyas, making garlands from flowers.. the new clothes, the prayer - cleaning of the house.. and eventually the lighting of all the candles and diyas around the house.

I remember with my sisters we'd divide up the areas to light the candles outside. There was one side of the house which always spooked us a little as it was a little away from civilization. Somehow lighting the candles there - always felt good - I remember lying in my bed, looking out the window and the soft glow of the candle would shine through. There's something about a dark night and the glow of the candle, it make things alright...

Growing older and learning spiritual significance of the festival - I guess that glowing ember has come to represent more and more to me. Light - that which fights the darkness of the night, also gives hope in the darkness of your despair. It's like a reminder to yourself.. that there is truth, there is a state of being and mind that cannot be changed.. that glows inside you, ever lasting and promising. It is the courage that guides you to where you're afraid to go... 

Festival of lights... festival of hope... the brighter you shine, the fewer shadows surround you..  you are immortal, you are a being of light.

Happy Diwali :)

Sense Overdose Day 68

Make sense of everything
There is no sense in making no sense
Yet Nonsense isnt worth making sense
But Sensor must always keep running on...
We are sensible beings.

Make sense of anything
Feel your senses in unision
Feel your senses at war
Sometimes let your senses run wild.
We are sensuous creatures.

Make sense of nothing
Let life knock you out senseless
Let nothing be sensationalized
Regain, retain and hold on to sense
We're sensitized organisms.

- RKS

React Day 67

When we stop wanting to learn and grow - when we find logic in "what is" and "what cannot change" - some part of us is slowly dying. The comfort in what you know, in accepting defeat because the challenge is too hard - some part of is just fading away. There is so much out there to experience - if we just take a step toward it.

We create our own conclusions from things around us - from what we are taught, from the wrongs we don't fight to correct - from the feelings we keep inside. It is robbing us from the greatest meaning of living - desire, hope. It is cutting you off from being the best you can be.

Don't give up the battle - there is often no one standing in your way but yourself. Stand up when you are hurt - don't let your emotions have no consequence, be a warrior for yourself - find the courage to go out there and do something you love. Be braver than what society preaches to you, be stronger than your own fears, be courageous, be afraid - say no, say yes. But never stop reacting - good, bad - react, say what you feel - don't live in a shell no one can reach.

It really is a new day everyday - you can drag the past with you, you can drag your white flag with you - or you can stand up and start something new. And if it doesn't work it - there's always the next day to start with. Just keep feeling, just keep reacting.

Believe Day 66

To know something without doubt - with utmost sincerity. To believe in something, whatever it is - however big or small - it is a precious moment when it happens. There is a certain kind of innocence you can associate to it.

When something is conveyed to you and you grasp it - you understand it, in a way that no longer requires explanation - you are in sync, you speak the same language - you believe in what you hear. Believing something is almost like placating the mind - you calm its questions and  all "logical interpretations" with this version you hear - it is the "truth". We can file it away - no need to waste grey cells pondering more about it.

The thing that really shakes you up though is when that belief gets shaken. The truth of not just the matter at hand - but the truth of your own ability to understand and rationalize gets put on the witness stand. How could you have not questioned this? How could you have been so stupid? How can you not have seen where things would end up?

I guess the beliefs that stick with us are the ones that continuously get reaffirmed. We do not ever lose that reassurance of truth. So if you do believe in something - run with it, take it as far as you can while the feeling is strongest. Sometimes we need to put ourselves out there, chase something we want to achieve. You have to believe in something in order to pursue it. And while you do hear the words of others that speak truth to you, and you believe in "facts: and  unquestionable feelings - more than anything - believe in yourself.. believe in your ability to pick yourself up no matter what life gives you. Believe that you will get up even if all the "truth" around you shatters. Believe in you - it's the best gift you will give yourself.

Spaces Day 65

There is this place, between what you think and what you say..  between what you desire and what you do. The words you chew around in your mind but never speak. There is this space inside you which is filled with the questions you don't dare to ask. There is us making sense of what we feel while living in the boundaries of the acceptable.. But have you ever thought, maybe this restless beguiling feeling of not knowing where you belong or what you must do - is exactly right? Maybe this is the essence of being alive...

As long as you let life surprise you, let your own heart surprise you.. the wonder of what is happening around you keeps you awake. The constant reconsideration of what you've learnt, what you know - keeps you going. The ability to wake up and look every day in the eye with a smile - give me your best shot, while you stand wounded - that feeds your strength. The courage to give beyond your needs, to love without condition. .. that teaches you about hope.

Stand tall, bulletproof - what can keep us down today - we're invincible, we're broken, we're incomplete, we're naive and we're beautiful.

There is this place between what you think and what you say.. and that is where we truly live.

Happy Day 64

For tonight - have a blog topic request... what happy means and what makes me happy...

Sometime last year, I took a piece of paper and scribbled down a few things that made me feel good. I came up with several things I like and stuck it up on my fridge. It became an immediate pick me up whenever I looked at it. I guess that is what the thing with happy is - when it makes you truly happy - it always does. The smell of home, your favorite person - your senses respond even before you can even completely comprehend it.

So what is happy - I think it's your state of mind when you let it be free from prejudices, criticisms, hurts and shadows. It comes in moments of fun and spontaneity, it comes in moments of peace and quiet, it comes in self realization, it comes when you feel wrapped in love or are reminded of a good time or moment in life. It is in confidence, it is in your achievements and celebrations, in your difficult decisions, and your ability to hug yourself after a bad day.

I don't think events in particular make you happy - it is as they say, if you want to be happy then, be. There will be no perfect day or time with an invitation for you to finally be happy. It is making the decision, the effort - to consciously take a deep breath and let it in. But yes, sometimes we need triggers and little things to get us there - to help us out. So lets see what are a few things that make me happy..

I have mentioned a few through my blog posts but lets see... This makes me happy - writing and expressing myself. Dancing and music - I always have music playing around me. At work, at home while cooking/cleaning, while thinking - or even while typing this blog. The special people in my life who help keep me connected to well, sanity and the lighter side of life. My throw (yes people who know of this - you may shake your head, but it does!) - have a pink throw, I sleep with, sneak it into movie theaters, airplanes, camping trips, car rides - just about anywhere I can! Animals - their innocence and ability to bring out the best in us...

Nature and the beauty of a higher grace.. Poetry, books, home, light... a warm sunny day, a beautiful starry night... the sip of hot tea on a cold day, the feel of someone who loves you holding you, someone playing with my hair, the time you wake up and realize you can sleep in for another 15 minutes.. The tangy lemon - I could suck on limes and lemons all day if given the chance.  Foot massages, baking, ice cream - (food should seriously have its own category!)... it's in a lot of things... I can go on and on.

The common thread though is each of these things reminds me of a time in my life I loved being in and want to be. It reminds me of how there is always more... just when the darkness seems to have gathered all around you, the first rays of sun will wake you up...

So as I said - if you want to be happy - then be.

Flight of the Broken Hearted Day 63

There isn't more you can compare to panic that the feeling of not being able to breathe. We have such a strong instinct of survival - your body puts in its all to fight any threat, to conquer it. Nobody dies without a fight - even if your mind has given up. It is in the intrinsic nature of our very existence to survive.

Then there is the mind - which we use to explain and quantify everything around us. To master the wants of flesh, to make intelligent choices, to find the safer out. A battle of wills, of instinct vs. reason.

Heart beating faster, there must be a way out 

Mind steady - we must figure out what this is about. 

Feet ready for flight - there must be a way to change it 

Mind shutting off - we must not focus on what we can't have. 

Hands craving touch - there must be another out there 

Mind holding strong, we must learn to fend alone.

 Breath caught in throat, tears pounding against eyelids 

Mind must distract, must process, put away what hurts. 

The battle ensues, the victor crowned with thorns 

Till when slipped away in sleep 

When the mind lets it guards down, the body flies

Desire afresh, the impossible attained... 

In the dream, the dream of the broken hearted... 

 - RKS

Resigned Innocence Day 62

You cannot trade the courage needed to live every moment for immunity from life's sorrows.

We are stronger and braver than we realize. The battles we face within ourselves, while trying to stay afloat make us warriors everyday. The black river gains its power and threatens to flood us over - it takes courage to sometimes wake up and survive your day.

Your own judgments, your own reasoning - drowned in a silence. Your fears, your triumphs, your words - everything is in its own place. We might seek to be free from sorrow - from pain - but some time in the future - when we are out of the darkness, you will know you needed it. The lessons that stick with you often have hardship as the teacher. 

Some days there seems to be no guarantee of reward or purpose - some days its just about going through the intimacies of life attempting to be part of the show. Being aware of what is and what isn't - accepting that bad things happen to good people, there are those who succeed without merit, the kindhearted remain lonely, love sometimes has no destination and no sanctity to be found. Be aware of the sounds around you, of the life around you - the journey of participation.. keep searching, keep breathing.

Color Day 61

Ever notice how colors can affect your moods? A beautiful flower, a bright dress, the dark skies? Black and white photographs or colorful bangles. It adds so much to the frame in front of your eyes.

Chromotheraphy was created as practice using colors to heal. This method is faced with a lot of skepticism but at least for a temporary effect, everyone can agree it will impact your mood. Blue makes you calmer, red stimulates your circulation, white is quiet - the interpretations of color are endless. It's an interesting subject to read about as an alternate medicine.

While I don't know how much it can alter how you feel or how much therapeutic power it has - color definitely has a way of painting a scene a certain way. It always seems to catch my eye - the light pink scarf, the bright umbrella on a rainy day. I am definitely a big color person myself - in all my thoughts of our creation and purpose, there are so many smaller things - like color which is almost undefined in its beauty.

Though for you to really appreciate the power of it you need to open your thoughts and mind to it. When you're not really present where you are - everything is just a blur, color too. You need to be at least partially open to pick it up - to realize how its painting the world beautiful around you. The ladybug, the signs, the advertisements, the colors in your home - everything is molding your mind at least a little bit. So if you need a little pick up today - try wearing something orange - the color of energy :)

Spontaneous Day 60

Let me feel this.. this new feeling

It seeps through me, let me not question it...

This moment of spontaneity

It takes me to places with no judgment

Could my guards have been blocking out the light?

Let me live this moment... while it belongs to me

Let me not fight the flow of desire

Let me give it my all...
And maybe it will give me all of it too.
Could my thoughts have been caged in regret?

Let me taste this freedom... as I breathe it in

Let me feel it through to my fingertips

Let me exist without boundaries

Let me find you there when I am not searching

Could we exist like this, in our own utopia?

Could I feel this way.. Could I live this day

Could I stay?

-RKS

The Comet Day 59

I remember having a deep fascination with the night sky for a long time. The stars, the moonlight, the seven sisters, shooting stars.. it's like a parallel world which exists in another dimension - close enough to stay with us, but too far to reach. Looking up to the sky you can believe in the idea of a higher power, a deeper meaning - an immediate reminder how small you are in the frame of things.

So in all the astronomical things that fascinate me - comets are one of them -inspiring a lot of thoughts. Comets are very small solar system bodies which only display their beauty through the tail or flame when close enough to the sun. While traditionally comets are considered bad luck - I think it's pretty inspirational! When you surround yourself with the right kind of energy and surrounding - you too find your "flame" and burn brighter..

Today was a day I did a dance performance that we had been working at for a while. There's something about the day of performing. It's like every step, every movement reaches its destination. You put in all you have got - this is the last shot for the cameras, for whatever you are doing it for. And each step and routine you complete - it's over.. it's like the comet, you seep in the energy from the crowd, from your performers - you smile, you have fun, everything falls into place.. and its done. The group of people, the excitement the energy - when you stand out of breath, that moment - the "tail of flame" surrounds you...

I find there are so many moments when you put a lot of yourself into it - you get that feeling. You can be the comet - just find that source - find that energy which makes you want to try something, do something... be something.. that lets you dream and hope...cherish yourself and really feel alive. Find the sun... we all have infinite moments of purpose if we stay close to it.

The Lies Day 58

Sleep is important. Your brain stops co-operating after a while - you start dreaming with your eyes open! So close them and sleep... at home, not at work, not on a train - at home.

Yes now that I have shared that important piece of wisdom - let's get back to business. So I have something that's kind of been in my head for sometime. In my commutes home, I come across a lot of unfortunate people.. hit hard by the times or just out of luck and I try to help whenever I can. I see a lot of people helping out. But there is this other breed of people - who people have no sympathy for. E.g. this guy comes on my train every other day with a "jacket" he needs to buy/or some random story which you hear every day - and he is always just 2 dollars short. And I notice a lot of people don't even look his way - like he is background noise. I wonder why that is - is it because you know he's lying to you?

Another friend I walk with sometimes, told me not to help a guy on a wheelchair because he has a cellphone he keeps hidden and is doing just "fine". Now my friend is one of the most sympathetic people I know - yet, she had this opinion of this particular person. Because of the same thing - she felt she was being lied to, and being cheated... what she perceived and what she saw were different.

So it's not just about the people on the street but it's interesting to me how we react when we feel we're not being treated fair. How we change from beings of sympathy to ones of total ignorance... Why does lying impact us so strongly? When we hear of someone in power or a role model caught lying - there is a huge scandal - there are people really hurt and so much disapproval goes around. 

So why does lying hurt us? I think in some way - we're all bound by trust to each other. Invisible clasps tying us together - we choose which ones to strengthen and which ones to pull away from. I guess when you feel you're being lied to - it weakens that connection. You feel wronged. Yet we do find ourselves in some junctions where a lie is the path we choose to use. No one is perfect, everyone has told a lie about something or the other - has it worked out, maybe - maybe not. But somehow, we have no understanding or acceptance for being lied to when we expect it in our case. 

I guess sometimes we should take a moment and step back. Look beyond the lies the beggar on the street is telling you - and just look at his face, listen with what you feel and not by your presupposed judgment - maybe just maybe - its not worth killing your link to humanity because of a few jumbled words.

Know where to draw the line..