What are we going to do when we fail,
When we find the wrong kind of tears running down our cheeks,
When we look at our Gods and see mortals instead,
When we know others are celebrating our grief....
What are we going to do when we fail?
We're going to look up from our toes,
And into the sun.
Without flinching.
We're going to walk out there alone, again.
Grit our teeth.
Take guard..
And wait for the next ball.
RKS
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Nerves of Steel
Day 24
Fallen behind a couple of days - going to try post a couple posts to make up for it.
So one thing I am a complete scaredy cat in is simulators/roller coasters! It always amazes me how people around me can be so relaxed and completely cool with being thrown around, turned around, dropped from 70 feet and well, laugh through it! Why do some peope have "nerves of steel" and others well, nerves!
I wonder if it has to do with my already overactive imagination - don't really need to add more adventure to that world - it's pretty far and beyond, even with my own dreams and nightmares. Well let me not get into that right now!
So nerves - I was thinking about it - do people really have no fear? I don't think so - I think it such a blind faith in the man-made device that you are so fascinated with it, your mind is at ease I suppose. Maybe if we all did the same ride a few times then the mind would know what to expect and be more trusting?
It's an interesting idea on how to override the bodys survival instinct. Okay, brain - we're going to be strapped down and flung around, you will be chased and baked, drenched and turned around, your body will have incredible whiplash - but do not panic, it's all for fun!
Yes - I am kind of cynical when I think of this but I do admire the "nerves of steel" and honestly it goes beyond just simulation etc. To be able to do so many incredible endeavors that man has achieved you really do need a way to control your mind - whether is it walking on a tightrope over the niagara falls, the scaling of Mt. Everest - it really requires you to have amazing self-control, and motivation.
So back to my experience - since I don't always have a lot of faith in man-made simulators, we were in the middle of one, me counting the seconds down and about to be flung from a building, going speeding to the ground when suddenly everything powers down. We're in a strange position in the pitch dark and we hear...
"Sorry for the incovenience, we're experiencing technical difficulties"!
And the fear gets fueled again.
So one thing I am a complete scaredy cat in is simulators/roller coasters! It always amazes me how people around me can be so relaxed and completely cool with being thrown around, turned around, dropped from 70 feet and well, laugh through it! Why do some peope have "nerves of steel" and others well, nerves!
I wonder if it has to do with my already overactive imagination - don't really need to add more adventure to that world - it's pretty far and beyond, even with my own dreams and nightmares. Well let me not get into that right now!
So nerves - I was thinking about it - do people really have no fear? I don't think so - I think it such a blind faith in the man-made device that you are so fascinated with it, your mind is at ease I suppose. Maybe if we all did the same ride a few times then the mind would know what to expect and be more trusting?
It's an interesting idea on how to override the bodys survival instinct. Okay, brain - we're going to be strapped down and flung around, you will be chased and baked, drenched and turned around, your body will have incredible whiplash - but do not panic, it's all for fun!
Yes - I am kind of cynical when I think of this but I do admire the "nerves of steel" and honestly it goes beyond just simulation etc. To be able to do so many incredible endeavors that man has achieved you really do need a way to control your mind - whether is it walking on a tightrope over the niagara falls, the scaling of Mt. Everest - it really requires you to have amazing self-control, and motivation.
So back to my experience - since I don't always have a lot of faith in man-made simulators, we were in the middle of one, me counting the seconds down and about to be flung from a building, going speeding to the ground when suddenly everything powers down. We're in a strange position in the pitch dark and we hear...
"Sorry for the incovenience, we're experiencing technical difficulties"!
And the fear gets fueled again.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Fear
Day 23
What lies under the murky water - what keeps you awake at night... the anxiety, the nervousness - the fear of the unknown, the fear imagined. Irrational, justified, unfathomable fear.
I believe fear was built as part of human preservation. You get burnt by touching something hot, the mind remember and instills a fear in your mind so the next time such a thing happens you know what will happen. The recollection protects and preserves your existence. It is an instinct which makes you move away from what is a threat, the danger.
There are other kinds of fears though. The ones that can't be explained... there is no reason to fear something but instinctively you do. You refrain, you hesitate, the vibe is wrong - sometimes it's not so subtle. You physically react to the situation. There are fears of "possible situations" that only live in our mind. What will that person think, what would society make of this, I will be judged - so many situations which in all probability wouldn't happen or at least not to that extreme plague our mind. This kind of fear is not for physical protection but as a self-created threat we build. We build boundaries and add this to the list of dangers and situations which will being danger to our survival and preservation.
There is another world of fear too - the fear built and based on things which cannot be described. The feeling of being in the dark, the idea of something under the black waters, the sudden gust of wind, the chill down your spine. Yet, it is not really the absence of light for instance that we fear - it is the idea of what is cloaked in the darkness, that which we cannot see. The vulnerability perhaps of being cornered, being the prey.
While all fears are not irrational and it might be good sense to listen to the vibes we get, as unfortunately this world does really have a dark side to it...we can try to do this. The next time fear hits - could be in small bouts... to not take that roller coaster ride, to not drive on the highway, to not set a goal too high from fear of failure, to not be yourself from fear of judgment - maybe in this sort of situation - we need to find the five seconds of courage. And maybe just maybe - if we were to take a step in the darkness and we don't find solid ground - we will learn to fly.
I believe fear was built as part of human preservation. You get burnt by touching something hot, the mind remember and instills a fear in your mind so the next time such a thing happens you know what will happen. The recollection protects and preserves your existence. It is an instinct which makes you move away from what is a threat, the danger.
There are other kinds of fears though. The ones that can't be explained... there is no reason to fear something but instinctively you do. You refrain, you hesitate, the vibe is wrong - sometimes it's not so subtle. You physically react to the situation. There are fears of "possible situations" that only live in our mind. What will that person think, what would society make of this, I will be judged - so many situations which in all probability wouldn't happen or at least not to that extreme plague our mind. This kind of fear is not for physical protection but as a self-created threat we build. We build boundaries and add this to the list of dangers and situations which will being danger to our survival and preservation.
There is another world of fear too - the fear built and based on things which cannot be described. The feeling of being in the dark, the idea of something under the black waters, the sudden gust of wind, the chill down your spine. Yet, it is not really the absence of light for instance that we fear - it is the idea of what is cloaked in the darkness, that which we cannot see. The vulnerability perhaps of being cornered, being the prey.
While all fears are not irrational and it might be good sense to listen to the vibes we get, as unfortunately this world does really have a dark side to it...we can try to do this. The next time fear hits - could be in small bouts... to not take that roller coaster ride, to not drive on the highway, to not set a goal too high from fear of failure, to not be yourself from fear of judgment - maybe in this sort of situation - we need to find the five seconds of courage. And maybe just maybe - if we were to take a step in the darkness and we don't find solid ground - we will learn to fly.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Time
Day 22
Wow, can't believe we're at day 22 already - 3 weeks and one day! Time seems to be flying by.
Time flying by - it seems the older you get the more time flies by. I guess it can be because initially when you are experiencing things for the first time you are capturing every detail, every feeling related to it. The more it occurs, the more "used to" your mind is and it looks past it. Taking your first flight would have been such a big deal, but the more you go through it, it's more mechanical and less involved mentally, leaving you feeling nothing "great" happened. So in a way initially your thoughts are more dense and as you aren't paying attention, they become more sketchy.
So I guess to truly appreciate a day we need to find more firsts to do! It can be quite a challenge - but it could be small things. Take a different route to work, take up an activity - it's amazing how filling things into your day give it so much more well - time and in turn fine tunes your memory!
Sometimes I get the feeling that time is beyond our reach - we're on a ticking clock and every moment we aren't doing what we want, learning, growing, grasping, realizing - we're wasting it. We're so bound by days and nights - but that probably fuels our passion. If we were immortal and time did not exist - it might change the whole idea. Being mortal, opens us up to the idea of living just once - doing things with courage, being daring - living with zeal. So being bound in a way gives us the freedom to explore, to experience in exhiliration.
So let's go out there and find our new first, a new beginning of time, before it's trapped again in circumstances and responsibilities, out of our reach.
Time flying by - it seems the older you get the more time flies by. I guess it can be because initially when you are experiencing things for the first time you are capturing every detail, every feeling related to it. The more it occurs, the more "used to" your mind is and it looks past it. Taking your first flight would have been such a big deal, but the more you go through it, it's more mechanical and less involved mentally, leaving you feeling nothing "great" happened. So in a way initially your thoughts are more dense and as you aren't paying attention, they become more sketchy.
So I guess to truly appreciate a day we need to find more firsts to do! It can be quite a challenge - but it could be small things. Take a different route to work, take up an activity - it's amazing how filling things into your day give it so much more well - time and in turn fine tunes your memory!
Sometimes I get the feeling that time is beyond our reach - we're on a ticking clock and every moment we aren't doing what we want, learning, growing, grasping, realizing - we're wasting it. We're so bound by days and nights - but that probably fuels our passion. If we were immortal and time did not exist - it might change the whole idea. Being mortal, opens us up to the idea of living just once - doing things with courage, being daring - living with zeal. So being bound in a way gives us the freedom to explore, to experience in exhiliration.
So let's go out there and find our new first, a new beginning of time, before it's trapped again in circumstances and responsibilities, out of our reach.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Silenced
Day 21
Ever notice how loud silence is? It can penetrate through your deepest thoughts into your inner being. It can speak words which we could never compose, it holds and breaks - it captures the moment where we imagine, we live, we can go in any direction before words come and change it. It has a powerful voice, unheard yet unmistakable.
I guess that is how meditation can restart your thoughts, you fill the silence in, it clears your mind and you can see what you've closed your mind to. While silence is indeed verbose - it can't write this blog for me :)
There have been some moments I can recall when that silent moment made decisions, made you doubt your courage, made your knees weak - the anticipation, the outcome. And sometimes the other way - the comfort, the calmness, the quiet... the shelter. By silence, I don't mean pin-drop silence or being frozen in time. It's the silence when words are turned off - the emotion, the desire, the comprehension of what is around you cannot be expressed - the silence of that moment.
Maybe it's not just silence but the body language - the eyes speaking, the soft smile, the forced smile, the vibe around you, the feeling in the air. Perhaps silence is just the catalyst which makes you aware of what is around you to catch that fleeting look in the eyes, to catch that brushed away tear... to listen to the uneasiness in the air, or to realize you are home.
And sometimes silence helps you remember your own being - when you can hear your heart beating, your body frozen, thoughts cleared - then in that moment you are aware. Such depth in my heart, such loneliness in my depth, beyond the layers - I am here. Beyond the scars - I am here. Beyond the triumphs, the accolades, the pride.. I am here. I exist and.. I am.
I guess that is how meditation can restart your thoughts, you fill the silence in, it clears your mind and you can see what you've closed your mind to. While silence is indeed verbose - it can't write this blog for me :)
There have been some moments I can recall when that silent moment made decisions, made you doubt your courage, made your knees weak - the anticipation, the outcome. And sometimes the other way - the comfort, the calmness, the quiet... the shelter. By silence, I don't mean pin-drop silence or being frozen in time. It's the silence when words are turned off - the emotion, the desire, the comprehension of what is around you cannot be expressed - the silence of that moment.
Maybe it's not just silence but the body language - the eyes speaking, the soft smile, the forced smile, the vibe around you, the feeling in the air. Perhaps silence is just the catalyst which makes you aware of what is around you to catch that fleeting look in the eyes, to catch that brushed away tear... to listen to the uneasiness in the air, or to realize you are home.
And sometimes silence helps you remember your own being - when you can hear your heart beating, your body frozen, thoughts cleared - then in that moment you are aware. Such depth in my heart, such loneliness in my depth, beyond the layers - I am here. Beyond the scars - I am here. Beyond the triumphs, the accolades, the pride.. I am here. I exist and.. I am.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Marinating
Day 20
I think once in a while we have days when the surrounding doesn't stimulate us too much. Maybe it's the drill of monotony sometime or sleep deprivation or just a day when the mind is at peace or chooses not to be bothered by anything. A friend once told me it is at this time when we're "marinating our thoughts" and the more we let it, the more creativity will ooze out of it!
While it sounds like the start of a recipe - sometimes, the mind does wander and stay nowhere and everywhere at the same time. So tonight I will just share a poem I wrote some time back on behalf of a friend - feels like another life sometimes... but for some reason, I was reminded of it today:
I've been everywhere with you in my heart
Kept you with me even after we tore apart
I've preserved your memory from a time that's gone by
I've let your shadow burn my flesh, just to claim you as mine.
You are my precious dream which I unfold in my reality
You've touched me in ways which only I know
And even though I can't see you now
I look for your scent in the winds which carry none.
I've tried to move on but the past shackles me
I've tried to not try too hard.
I still talk to you...to keep fueling my mind's desires
Keep searching for what's gone by in this new stranger
I've tried to be strong... but I choose to be weak
Because I'm not ready to say goodbye.
© RyKaS
While it sounds like the start of a recipe - sometimes, the mind does wander and stay nowhere and everywhere at the same time. So tonight I will just share a poem I wrote some time back on behalf of a friend - feels like another life sometimes... but for some reason, I was reminded of it today:
I've been everywhere with you in my heart
Kept you with me even after we tore apart
I've preserved your memory from a time that's gone by
I've let your shadow burn my flesh, just to claim you as mine.
You are my precious dream which I unfold in my reality
You've touched me in ways which only I know
And even though I can't see you now
I look for your scent in the winds which carry none.
I've tried to move on but the past shackles me
I've tried to not try too hard.
I still talk to you...to keep fueling my mind's desires
Keep searching for what's gone by in this new stranger
I've tried to be strong... but I choose to be weak
Because I'm not ready to say goodbye.
© RyKaS
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Alive
Day 19
Somehow I always feel privileged when I see the ocean. It's almost a treat for the senses in a way. The ocean has always been so mysterious and beautiful. It cloaks so much within it, it has a life of it's own. A special connection with the moon, the earth, the water - it ties it all together, it homes so many creatures - gives birth to so many lives, it diffuses the wrath of volcanoes, it can be calm, violent and soothing at the same time. Always mysterious - always playing with its moods, almost like a blank canvas with it choosing what to reveal and when. Infinite in its ways..
Infinity - while the ocean perhaps won't be considered infinite as it can technically be defined - its sheer mass and magnitude, makes you feel so small. Nature has this way of leaving you breathless - whether it is through the expanse of the stars, the amplitude of the ocean, the glory of a sunset, through its rage, and power... and sometimes even through something as simple as a shooting star or a rainbow.
The quote in my blog is from one of my favorite poets. The poem called the "auguries of innocence" is in fact 132 lines! While I won't share the whole poem - the first stanza which is what I quote, just spoke volumes to me.
To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour...
Sometimes life seems to pass us by with us getting lost in day to day affairs and thoughts that take over our senses. We take so much around us for granted that we should consciously make the effort to have some moments when we stop and just take it in. The ocean, the smell of the rain, the feel of the wind - listen to the story that mother nature is whispering, feel your existence merge with your surrounding - feel alive, feel part of the story - part of the universe, part of infinity.
Infinity - while the ocean perhaps won't be considered infinite as it can technically be defined - its sheer mass and magnitude, makes you feel so small. Nature has this way of leaving you breathless - whether it is through the expanse of the stars, the amplitude of the ocean, the glory of a sunset, through its rage, and power... and sometimes even through something as simple as a shooting star or a rainbow.
The quote in my blog is from one of my favorite poets. The poem called the "auguries of innocence" is in fact 132 lines! While I won't share the whole poem - the first stanza which is what I quote, just spoke volumes to me.
To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour...
Sometimes life seems to pass us by with us getting lost in day to day affairs and thoughts that take over our senses. We take so much around us for granted that we should consciously make the effort to have some moments when we stop and just take it in. The ocean, the smell of the rain, the feel of the wind - listen to the story that mother nature is whispering, feel your existence merge with your surrounding - feel alive, feel part of the story - part of the universe, part of infinity.
Blog Bog
Day 18
So was not able to post as I was having internet connectivity trouble at the moment but I did scribble a few lines regardless and here's yesterdays post:
Been an eventful day and a lot of thoughts have passed through my mind. Days sometimes go so outside our planning... What we expect to do and happen and what actually does is sometimes poles apart.
There is this saying - if you want to make god laugh tell him your plans! I guess we need to assume some level of predictability in our lives to achieve a sense of sanity. You plan a day to be organized in order to be efficient and fulfill whatever accomplishment you've planned. Yet it is the days that often are the disruptive unplanned ones that are the most memorable. The smooth trip we made to destination x won't make as great a story as "...the time we were going to destination x and our tire went flat, had to hitch a ride on a horse..." etc.
So next time life throws a curveball at you and everything seems to make no sense.. we should maybe breathe easy, let go of and go with the adventure - if not anything else, you will have a good story to share!
Been an eventful day and a lot of thoughts have passed through my mind. Days sometimes go so outside our planning... What we expect to do and happen and what actually does is sometimes poles apart.
There is this saying - if you want to make god laugh tell him your plans! I guess we need to assume some level of predictability in our lives to achieve a sense of sanity. You plan a day to be organized in order to be efficient and fulfill whatever accomplishment you've planned. Yet it is the days that often are the disruptive unplanned ones that are the most memorable. The smooth trip we made to destination x won't make as great a story as "...the time we were going to destination x and our tire went flat, had to hitch a ride on a horse..." etc.
So next time life throws a curveball at you and everything seems to make no sense.. we should maybe breathe easy, let go of and go with the adventure - if not anything else, you will have a good story to share!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Blast from the past
Day 17
So when I began this challenge, I had mentioned I began writing at a very early age. As far back as I can remember it was probably around age 8 or so. One of my pasttimes after the stories was poetry. As I have said before, words have always intrigued me, the way we can mould them to essay emotions - the way we can take ourselves to where we want to be, or just express what we feel - relate to an emotion, it's magical.
Well, I came across a lot of poems I wrote when I was much younger and I thought in todays blog I would share a few of those - I will add the approximate age and some notes (if I have any!) I was when I wrote them at the bottom of each poem...
The beginning of nowhere
And the start of an ending........
Soothing peace filled the old mans brow
A smile escaped from his quivering lips
Such pleasure bred from ones worries
He knew it wouldn't be long now
The sweet hallucinations of voices calling
Crammed into his head.
The pain all disappeared and such deep joy shone from his soul.
He closed his eyes
And waited to go into a beautiful world
Of angels, of love, of hope.
Waited for an escape from this Earth
To the never ending heavens
He tightened his eyes
As an immense pain shot up
This was it, he thought,
The opening gates,
Welcoming angels...
He closed his eyes then...
Nothing.
- Age: 15 - this is prolly one of my more "famous" poems - thanks to my sister, I entered this poem into a competition and it actually got printed! I have read this one poem in several functions.
In this journey of life I met a stranger
A stranger who made me laugh
Stilled my heart, made a place in my mind
I met a stranger who became a friend..
In this confusion of life I met a friend
Who listened to my woes and told me his
We listened to each other’s silent words
And made a place in each other’s hearts...
I met a friend who stood by me..
In this blur of reality I found a companion
Not only someone I could lean on
But someone who walked with me
Supported me even when I was wrong...
Yes, I met a friend who became a companion...
In this lonely world I had a friend
A friend who made me cry...
In this confusion of life I met a friend
who pained my heart, fell in my eyes.
Yes, I met a friend whose silent words hurt
And I realized that
every trust was being balanced on
A wish for reality that would never happen..
Every beautiful memory was drowned in an ocean of despair..
In this journey of life
I met a friend who became a stranger..
- Age: 14 - I wrote this poem on behalf of a friend and a difficult situation she was going through.
How?
How can I define pain that strikes my heart again and again?
How can I heal my wounds when with every second passing by they are torn again?
How can I move forward when such a strong force keeps pulling me back?
How can I hold onto hope when belief in myself does not exist?
How can I love myself when i m not loved?
How can I quietly take the blame for something i did not do?
How can I define pain, pain that threatens my very being?
How can I define my pain?
- Age: 11 - One of my older poems I still have with me!
When your eyes are doing the talking, what do you want to say?
When life is a free ride why do you want to pay?
When life is a book why cant you turn the pages?
Loves a free song so why are you keeping your heart trapped in cages?
Why dont you free yourself and give your soul to the bright light?
When the battle is won, why do you want to fight?
When you know you are going to die why do you wait in anticipation?
When you know who you are why do you ask questions?
When you know the bright sun will rise after a dark night why cant you look ahead?
When you know whats right why cant you follow the path your heart has led?
When you know you are loved why do you feel like you are on your own?
When you know i m here why do you feel so alone?
- Age: approx. 13 I believe...
Look beyond this curtain shed before your eyes
Listen to the soft crying behind her laughter
Feel the pain hidden behind her smile
Smell the sorrow in her heart
Cant you see?
Cant you see her wounds?
Cant you feel her pain?
Cant you taste the salt in her tears?
Cant you heal?
Why are you blinding yourself?
Oh look
Look and see the story behind her eyes
Oh listen
Listen to the sound of a dying heart...
Listen to the voice calling out
Listen to her
Cant you feel it?
cant you see?
Oh why cant you heal?
- Age: 9/10
Who is listening
To the children
Crying out of starvation?
Crying out for help
Which they know they won't get.
Who is listening
To the refugees shouts
Of injustice and pain?
Cries of need fill the air
Only to be washed out by the passing wind.
Who is listening
To the breaking of hearts?
Such tender hearts
slowly but surely giving in
To the neverending darkness.
Who is listening
to the last breath given out
to the last wish wished for
to the last hope hoped for?
Oh who is listening
to the very last heartbeat?
Who is listening
To a soul escaping
as a body slowly decays away...
Oh who is listening to the cries of help?
Tell me who is listening
to every unanswered prayer?
Who is listening to the screaming at night
Choked down by a flood fo tears?
Oh tell me who is listening?
-Age 9/10
There are a lot more, but I will just share these for now. It is interesting for me personally to see how I've evolved and how my mindset had been in those times/ages. I guess I was often able to pick up from situations around me if not from my own experiences.
It's nice to sometimes look back at where you've been - make you remember who you were, how far you've come. It's like meeting an old friend who you understand and love and want to hold on tight to.
Well, I came across a lot of poems I wrote when I was much younger and I thought in todays blog I would share a few of those - I will add the approximate age and some notes (if I have any!) I was when I wrote them at the bottom of each poem...
The beginning of nowhere
And the start of an ending........
Soothing peace filled the old mans brow
A smile escaped from his quivering lips
Such pleasure bred from ones worries
He knew it wouldn't be long now
The sweet hallucinations of voices calling
Crammed into his head.
The pain all disappeared and such deep joy shone from his soul.
He closed his eyes
And waited to go into a beautiful world
Of angels, of love, of hope.
Waited for an escape from this Earth
To the never ending heavens
He tightened his eyes
As an immense pain shot up
This was it, he thought,
The opening gates,
Welcoming angels...
He closed his eyes then...
Nothing.
- Age: 15 - this is prolly one of my more "famous" poems - thanks to my sister, I entered this poem into a competition and it actually got printed! I have read this one poem in several functions.
In this journey of life I met a stranger
A stranger who made me laugh
Stilled my heart, made a place in my mind
I met a stranger who became a friend..
In this confusion of life I met a friend
Who listened to my woes and told me his
We listened to each other’s silent words
And made a place in each other’s hearts...
I met a friend who stood by me..
In this blur of reality I found a companion
Not only someone I could lean on
But someone who walked with me
Supported me even when I was wrong...
Yes, I met a friend who became a companion...
In this lonely world I had a friend
A friend who made me cry...
In this confusion of life I met a friend
who pained my heart, fell in my eyes.
Yes, I met a friend whose silent words hurt
And I realized that
every trust was being balanced on
A wish for reality that would never happen..
Every beautiful memory was drowned in an ocean of despair..
In this journey of life
I met a friend who became a stranger..
- Age: 14 - I wrote this poem on behalf of a friend and a difficult situation she was going through.
How?
How can I define pain that strikes my heart again and again?
How can I heal my wounds when with every second passing by they are torn again?
How can I move forward when such a strong force keeps pulling me back?
How can I hold onto hope when belief in myself does not exist?
How can I love myself when i m not loved?
How can I quietly take the blame for something i did not do?
How can I define pain, pain that threatens my very being?
How can I define my pain?
- Age: 11 - One of my older poems I still have with me!
When your eyes are doing the talking, what do you want to say?
When life is a free ride why do you want to pay?
When life is a book why cant you turn the pages?
Loves a free song so why are you keeping your heart trapped in cages?
Why dont you free yourself and give your soul to the bright light?
When the battle is won, why do you want to fight?
When you know you are going to die why do you wait in anticipation?
When you know who you are why do you ask questions?
When you know the bright sun will rise after a dark night why cant you look ahead?
When you know whats right why cant you follow the path your heart has led?
When you know you are loved why do you feel like you are on your own?
When you know i m here why do you feel so alone?
- Age: approx. 13 I believe...
Look beyond this curtain shed before your eyes
Listen to the soft crying behind her laughter
Feel the pain hidden behind her smile
Smell the sorrow in her heart
Cant you see?
Cant you see her wounds?
Cant you feel her pain?
Cant you taste the salt in her tears?
Cant you heal?
Why are you blinding yourself?
Oh look
Look and see the story behind her eyes
Oh listen
Listen to the sound of a dying heart...
Listen to the voice calling out
Listen to her
Cant you feel it?
cant you see?
Oh why cant you heal?
- Age: 9/10
Who is listening
To the children
Crying out of starvation?
Crying out for help
Which they know they won't get.
Who is listening
To the refugees shouts
Of injustice and pain?
Cries of need fill the air
Only to be washed out by the passing wind.
Who is listening
To the breaking of hearts?
Such tender hearts
slowly but surely giving in
To the neverending darkness.
Who is listening
to the last breath given out
to the last wish wished for
to the last hope hoped for?
Oh who is listening
to the very last heartbeat?
Who is listening
To a soul escaping
as a body slowly decays away...
Oh who is listening to the cries of help?
Tell me who is listening
to every unanswered prayer?
Who is listening to the screaming at night
Choked down by a flood fo tears?
Oh tell me who is listening?
-Age 9/10
There are a lot more, but I will just share these for now. It is interesting for me personally to see how I've evolved and how my mindset had been in those times/ages. I guess I was often able to pick up from situations around me if not from my own experiences.
It's nice to sometimes look back at where you've been - make you remember who you were, how far you've come. It's like meeting an old friend who you understand and love and want to hold on tight to.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Processing...
Day 16
The shadows, the sounds, the voices,
The mind, the questions, the choices.
Chaos, peace, doubt, affirmation,
Poised, broken, confused, determination.
Channeled, controlled, aware,
Spinning fast but going nowhere.
© RyKaS
Contradiction of emotions I guess? :) I once was told, you know you're getting older (and wiser?) when you realize you have a lot to learn. I guess in that sense confusion is a good side effect of gaining wisdom! Once the confusion clears, the illusion of knowing how the world and its inhabitants work breaks and you are humbled and you stop and maybe rethink, try to grasp what you know, and what you don't know.
So I guess once in a while like tonight, there should not be too much to say - just take the world in and maybe, keep growing... or at least, hope to.
The mind, the questions, the choices.
Chaos, peace, doubt, affirmation,
Poised, broken, confused, determination.
Channeled, controlled, aware,
Spinning fast but going nowhere.
© RyKaS
Contradiction of emotions I guess? :) I once was told, you know you're getting older (and wiser?) when you realize you have a lot to learn. I guess in that sense confusion is a good side effect of gaining wisdom! Once the confusion clears, the illusion of knowing how the world and its inhabitants work breaks and you are humbled and you stop and maybe rethink, try to grasp what you know, and what you don't know.
So I guess once in a while like tonight, there should not be too much to say - just take the world in and maybe, keep growing... or at least, hope to.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Goodbye
Day 15
Every now and then you come across junctions in life which provide you with an opportunity to make a choice. Not an easy choice - a different choice. Perhaps the right choice... but it involves saying goodbye to the life you know. To the place where you stand, where you've found comfort. Goodbye is a strange word in a lot of ways - what does goodbye mean?
How do you distill every emotion, every feeling, every memory you've felt into one word? How do you condense time, and effort - the desire, the hope into a hard finality. I don't know if you can every truly say goodbye. Maybe the only way we do it is by accepting something as a part of our past, accepting the memory, the relevance for what is and then moving forward. A forward which is defined without that person or situation.
Some goodbyes are forced on us even when we're not ready. You fight and struggle because it does not make sense to you. It is too closely tied into the reality of today that you find comfort in. But you don't always get a choice, you don't always get the time. It comes rough and hard - a change of heart, a change of circumstance - a death, a new side of a person - all amounting into one word - goodbye.
So be sparing with your goodbyes, they will always be hard. And if you receive a goodbye - know that fate and time flow like the ocean... there will always be change and in no eternity will time ever stand still.
How do you distill every emotion, every feeling, every memory you've felt into one word? How do you condense time, and effort - the desire, the hope into a hard finality. I don't know if you can every truly say goodbye. Maybe the only way we do it is by accepting something as a part of our past, accepting the memory, the relevance for what is and then moving forward. A forward which is defined without that person or situation.
Some goodbyes are forced on us even when we're not ready. You fight and struggle because it does not make sense to you. It is too closely tied into the reality of today that you find comfort in. But you don't always get a choice, you don't always get the time. It comes rough and hard - a change of heart, a change of circumstance - a death, a new side of a person - all amounting into one word - goodbye.
So be sparing with your goodbyes, they will always be hard. And if you receive a goodbye - know that fate and time flow like the ocean... there will always be change and in no eternity will time ever stand still.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Personal-reality = Personality
Day 14
Been a haphazard day of sorts - got to interact with all forms and kinds of people today. It sometimes amazes me how many personalities and distinctive opinions exist. Somehow people never seem to astound me - suddenly one day we find a whole new side to someone, be it good/bad. While I do know that we grow and adapt to experiences and all that is around us - it still is interesting to ponder.
I had taken up a while back reading up on personality theories. It is an interesting subject to ponder on. So many factors contribute to a personality - the consistency of behavior, the action, the expressions - the choice of reaction, the uncontrolled reaction. Somewhere we're all wired up a little bit differently than the other person.
It does make me wonder if we're all just built one way and time and circumstance bring out different aspects of us. Or is it the other way that we build ourselves based ON time and circumstance, giving us the opportunity to change and adapt to what we want to be. Maybe if we just took the reins of what we are then we can maneuver ourselves it in a certain direction. I guess if we can logically understand and accept a fault/flaw in us, we can adapt to the resolution of it...
In theory there are endless kinds of triggers and reasons for being the way we are. In many ways we try to imitate people we grow up with like parents or siblings. Relationships shape us too just from the gist of what we learn and grow from when building a relationship. By mere observing, or simply by our experiences in the social world when we encounter a social situation that requires us to interact with new people. These decisions are what shape our personalities and lives. We judge people based on our understanding - slating someones behavior as acceptable or not. I guess that is why we place ourselves in the other person's shoes and say - "If I were you.."
Whatever the madness or extreme logic behind what gives birth to personality - it is very fascinating to just watch sometimes. To observe the world around us full of so many things to learn, and grow. To interact and test our own traits of personality against these.
Maybe it is in observing and learning that a true personality which is beyond the layers that society and our own interpretation of the world has put on us shines through. That which expresses itself in art, in words, in dance, in moments when we are alone with ourselves and can be who we are comfortable being.
I wonder what an interesting world that would be if the true personality un-scarred and unhindered shone through. Would it show our personal realities? Would we have direction and purpose that is buried under norm and fear of embarrassment. Would we attain new knowledge about own state of being... Or it might be just as crazy as today :) Who knows - my personalities are at war right now!
I had taken up a while back reading up on personality theories. It is an interesting subject to ponder on. So many factors contribute to a personality - the consistency of behavior, the action, the expressions - the choice of reaction, the uncontrolled reaction. Somewhere we're all wired up a little bit differently than the other person.
It does make me wonder if we're all just built one way and time and circumstance bring out different aspects of us. Or is it the other way that we build ourselves based ON time and circumstance, giving us the opportunity to change and adapt to what we want to be. Maybe if we just took the reins of what we are then we can maneuver ourselves it in a certain direction. I guess if we can logically understand and accept a fault/flaw in us, we can adapt to the resolution of it...
In theory there are endless kinds of triggers and reasons for being the way we are. In many ways we try to imitate people we grow up with like parents or siblings. Relationships shape us too just from the gist of what we learn and grow from when building a relationship. By mere observing, or simply by our experiences in the social world when we encounter a social situation that requires us to interact with new people. These decisions are what shape our personalities and lives. We judge people based on our understanding - slating someones behavior as acceptable or not. I guess that is why we place ourselves in the other person's shoes and say - "If I were you.."
Whatever the madness or extreme logic behind what gives birth to personality - it is very fascinating to just watch sometimes. To observe the world around us full of so many things to learn, and grow. To interact and test our own traits of personality against these.
Maybe it is in observing and learning that a true personality which is beyond the layers that society and our own interpretation of the world has put on us shines through. That which expresses itself in art, in words, in dance, in moments when we are alone with ourselves and can be who we are comfortable being.
I wonder what an interesting world that would be if the true personality un-scarred and unhindered shone through. Would it show our personal realities? Would we have direction and purpose that is buried under norm and fear of embarrassment. Would we attain new knowledge about own state of being... Or it might be just as crazy as today :) Who knows - my personalities are at war right now!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Dream a dream
Day 13
For some strange reason, I have been plagued with a whole variety of nightmares recently. Been the case almost every night. It seems strange as I can't figure out the trigger.
Dreams are a fascinating world. It's created by your subconscious and reveals several sides of you - your insecurities, craziness and other hidden feelings you encounter throughout the day. But sometimes its more than that - there is this time in perhaps a state where your conscious and subconscious are at balance that people almost have insights into the future. Maybe it is just the sudden clarity with which the mind is able to think at that state when all the clutter of doubts evaporates - but it has been shown in several times in history of how solutions and history was predicted by a dream. Sometimes they almost appear as a warning to prevent you from harm.
I guess dreamland is almost like living life without the bounds of what is right and what is not. There is a whole - what-if world. What if I was in a different situation, what if I had the guts to do this, what if I listened to that impulse I bury down, what if I faced that fear.. and we do live freely in that world and maybe find answers to questions we keep asking ourselves.
There are several kind of dreams. Other than being highly entertaining at times, they are sometimes considered healing as well. These sort of dreams can serve as messages for the dreamer in regards to their health. The Ancient Greeks called these dreams "pro-dromic". Many dream experts believe that they can help in avoiding potential health problems and healing when you are in a vulnerable state such as grieving/illness. Asthma and migraine sufferers have certain types of dreams before an attack in some cases. Your bodies are able to communicate to your mind through dreams. and "tell" you that something is not quite right with your bodies even before any physical symptoms show up.
Then there are nightmares which deal with maybe unresolved issues which keep pushing the quest for self-discovery further. Prophetic dreams, recurring ones, plain out silly dreams, lucid dreams where you are aware you're dreaming in your dream as well, signal dreams, unbelievable dreams which you remember for years. It's a mysterious world and one that is often hard to recall long enough for us to analyse. But maybe that's the idea - to just refresh the mind, live out all the thoughts that plagued you, close the chapter, end the story and begin afresh the next day well-rested :)
So here's to happy dreaming...
Sweet dreams my love,
May you have them forever,
For to dream is to hope
and I hope you dream the dream of love.
Dreams are a fascinating world. It's created by your subconscious and reveals several sides of you - your insecurities, craziness and other hidden feelings you encounter throughout the day. But sometimes its more than that - there is this time in perhaps a state where your conscious and subconscious are at balance that people almost have insights into the future. Maybe it is just the sudden clarity with which the mind is able to think at that state when all the clutter of doubts evaporates - but it has been shown in several times in history of how solutions and history was predicted by a dream. Sometimes they almost appear as a warning to prevent you from harm.
I guess dreamland is almost like living life without the bounds of what is right and what is not. There is a whole - what-if world. What if I was in a different situation, what if I had the guts to do this, what if I listened to that impulse I bury down, what if I faced that fear.. and we do live freely in that world and maybe find answers to questions we keep asking ourselves.
There are several kind of dreams. Other than being highly entertaining at times, they are sometimes considered healing as well. These sort of dreams can serve as messages for the dreamer in regards to their health. The Ancient Greeks called these dreams "pro-dromic". Many dream experts believe that they can help in avoiding potential health problems and healing when you are in a vulnerable state such as grieving/illness. Asthma and migraine sufferers have certain types of dreams before an attack in some cases. Your bodies are able to communicate to your mind through dreams. and "tell" you that something is not quite right with your bodies even before any physical symptoms show up.
Then there are nightmares which deal with maybe unresolved issues which keep pushing the quest for self-discovery further. Prophetic dreams, recurring ones, plain out silly dreams, lucid dreams where you are aware you're dreaming in your dream as well, signal dreams, unbelievable dreams which you remember for years. It's a mysterious world and one that is often hard to recall long enough for us to analyse. But maybe that's the idea - to just refresh the mind, live out all the thoughts that plagued you, close the chapter, end the story and begin afresh the next day well-rested :)
So here's to happy dreaming...
Sweet dreams my love,
May you have them forever,
For to dream is to hope
and I hope you dream the dream of love.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Discovery
Day 12
Today while cleaning out the front lawn as part of our reseeding project - a little head popped out of the ground. No, this is not the beginning of a scary story - it was a cute little baby turtle head! It slowly emerged and started trying to waddle on the ground. We carefully picked him up and brought him to the pond in the backyard where he sunbathe and then jumped into the water.
On our way back to the area - there were 4 more little turtles emerging. Some with the eggshells on their back still. There was one egg we found unhatched still. It was probably interefering with nature helping the turtles into the water, but they were really a far way out!!
It was amazing to see how quickly they adapted to the water. They knew which moss to eat, how to swim etc. Very fascinating watching them. We have several large painted turtles (as I learnt they are called - I always called them butterfly turtles till then!)I will put some pictures below.
Nature works in amazing ways - how it functions, has everything planned out - sometimes it's amazing seeing the wheels of motion constantly moving and keeping everything balanced and functional.
So yeah, witnessed moment 1 of day 1 for the baby turtles - saw where their story began and no matter where it takes them, they will be a part of a story I tell for a long time :)
On our way back to the area - there were 4 more little turtles emerging. Some with the eggshells on their back still. There was one egg we found unhatched still. It was probably interefering with nature helping the turtles into the water, but they were really a far way out!!
It was amazing to see how quickly they adapted to the water. They knew which moss to eat, how to swim etc. Very fascinating watching them. We have several large painted turtles (as I learnt they are called - I always called them butterfly turtles till then!)I will put some pictures below.
Nature works in amazing ways - how it functions, has everything planned out - sometimes it's amazing seeing the wheels of motion constantly moving and keeping everything balanced and functional.
So yeah, witnessed moment 1 of day 1 for the baby turtles - saw where their story began and no matter where it takes them, they will be a part of a story I tell for a long time :)
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Expectation
Day 11
Expectation - definition: A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
Just by the definition above we can see what a delusional world we're living in. How can we know without doubt what the future will hold? Yet, we tend to have so many expectations from people. In a way we sometimes train everyone around us. If I do x something, the reaction must be this. If I am feeling this way then the other person must react in this manner.
And yes, sometimes we are right and we get what we expect, which feeds our belief further. Except that humans are more adaptive than we can comprehend. Thought and intention is often influenced by our surroundings and our own experiences. We react in bounds of our own acceptance of the current state. The state keeps changing though and with it, our reactions.
Yet, if we do break the chain and do things without expectation and just for desire of pleasing ourselves - the idea changes. The delusion is no longer powerful as we have no inclination for a reaction. You build, you give, you walk away. Is there a welcoming response - or is there cold silence.. it isn't in your power - you accept. We spend so much energy sometimes trying to understand why others behave in such a way that sometimes it's worthwhile to stop. Breathe. Forgive. And focus on our own energy. Almost like a hard reboot :)
If our biggest expectations are from ourselves, we are less prone to failing. If we let go of trying to control everyone around us and understand their every reaction - then maybe we can grow as we expand our own horizons, as we take in reactions/behaviors our mind could not have imagined. As we do not question, or fight - we learn in our patience - we forgive, we release and find peace when the storms within are calmed. And you will find - when we stop seeking, when we stop searching - life will give you what you need... when you need it. There will be reward - maybe just not when you want it. But if you are at peace - you will be more ready to let it in.
When the expectation is fueling us for a better tomorrow to achieve a better self - to seek knowledge and to expand in our understanding - then expectation will no longer handicap but propel us forward.
Just by the definition above we can see what a delusional world we're living in. How can we know without doubt what the future will hold? Yet, we tend to have so many expectations from people. In a way we sometimes train everyone around us. If I do x something, the reaction must be this. If I am feeling this way then the other person must react in this manner.
And yes, sometimes we are right and we get what we expect, which feeds our belief further. Except that humans are more adaptive than we can comprehend. Thought and intention is often influenced by our surroundings and our own experiences. We react in bounds of our own acceptance of the current state. The state keeps changing though and with it, our reactions.
Yet, if we do break the chain and do things without expectation and just for desire of pleasing ourselves - the idea changes. The delusion is no longer powerful as we have no inclination for a reaction. You build, you give, you walk away. Is there a welcoming response - or is there cold silence.. it isn't in your power - you accept. We spend so much energy sometimes trying to understand why others behave in such a way that sometimes it's worthwhile to stop. Breathe. Forgive. And focus on our own energy. Almost like a hard reboot :)
If our biggest expectations are from ourselves, we are less prone to failing. If we let go of trying to control everyone around us and understand their every reaction - then maybe we can grow as we expand our own horizons, as we take in reactions/behaviors our mind could not have imagined. As we do not question, or fight - we learn in our patience - we forgive, we release and find peace when the storms within are calmed. And you will find - when we stop seeking, when we stop searching - life will give you what you need... when you need it. There will be reward - maybe just not when you want it. But if you are at peace - you will be more ready to let it in.
When the expectation is fueling us for a better tomorrow to achieve a better self - to seek knowledge and to expand in our understanding - then expectation will no longer handicap but propel us forward.
Friday, September 14, 2012
A new dawn, a new life
Day 10
"...when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
That quote is from one of my favorite books, the Alchemist and it's been on my mind recently - don't know if we do control the universe or when we want the right thing to follow the right path, everything falls into place. It's almost perfect, rehearsed, couldn't be planned better. A slew of coincidences, a miracle, just the right time and the right place - everything fits into place. Maybe there is a constant energy tying us to the universe and when we are in sync with it, when we join the flow of it - we are brought to our destination faster. Where we need to be...
It brings us to the idea of life being pre-conceived. What else is fate? If everything is a written play and we are just players in it - could life really be so easily scripted? Or perhaps it's an adapting script and when we take charge, we can steer it in a different direction.
"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."
Another quote from the book - I love the way he explores the idea of our mind being in control of our every situation in life. When we strive to achieve betterment for a single focussed goal, we can still achieve so many more feats on the way. The energy binding us together runs freely - runs around us, and we need to tap it. I guess if we can't consciously - well, it does happen in your subconscious when you focus on something!
"If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
There is so much interest sometimes in others' lives that the focus which can help us achieve amazing feats is wasted. As the quote above states - we seem to put others in perfect bracket, judge them generously, reprimand them or put them on pedestals. We know what is right/wrong - which behavior is acceptable, what must be condemned. And yet, the true clarity within is often lost.
We need to spend some more time to decide what we want to risk. Where we want to expend our energies into. Go beyond the norms and rules we set - leave others from our thoughts and focus. Go beyond the gut feeling to listening to what you want to do. And while it may be crazy/stupid - hey, you live once and life is worth a few risks.
"Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?"
So have the courage to be whereever you imagine yourself to be - where you are afraid to take yourself, you might find the universe is slowly conspiring in its own little ways to give you wind under your wings... if only you would dare to open them.
Do not fear failure - stay strong, there's always a new day to begin the journey.
That quote is from one of my favorite books, the Alchemist and it's been on my mind recently - don't know if we do control the universe or when we want the right thing to follow the right path, everything falls into place. It's almost perfect, rehearsed, couldn't be planned better. A slew of coincidences, a miracle, just the right time and the right place - everything fits into place. Maybe there is a constant energy tying us to the universe and when we are in sync with it, when we join the flow of it - we are brought to our destination faster. Where we need to be...
It brings us to the idea of life being pre-conceived. What else is fate? If everything is a written play and we are just players in it - could life really be so easily scripted? Or perhaps it's an adapting script and when we take charge, we can steer it in a different direction.
"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."
Another quote from the book - I love the way he explores the idea of our mind being in control of our every situation in life. When we strive to achieve betterment for a single focussed goal, we can still achieve so many more feats on the way. The energy binding us together runs freely - runs around us, and we need to tap it. I guess if we can't consciously - well, it does happen in your subconscious when you focus on something!
"If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
There is so much interest sometimes in others' lives that the focus which can help us achieve amazing feats is wasted. As the quote above states - we seem to put others in perfect bracket, judge them generously, reprimand them or put them on pedestals. We know what is right/wrong - which behavior is acceptable, what must be condemned. And yet, the true clarity within is often lost.
We need to spend some more time to decide what we want to risk. Where we want to expend our energies into. Go beyond the norms and rules we set - leave others from our thoughts and focus. Go beyond the gut feeling to listening to what you want to do. And while it may be crazy/stupid - hey, you live once and life is worth a few risks.
"Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?"
So have the courage to be whereever you imagine yourself to be - where you are afraid to take yourself, you might find the universe is slowly conspiring in its own little ways to give you wind under your wings... if only you would dare to open them.
Do not fear failure - stay strong, there's always a new day to begin the journey.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
The Unsung Hero
Day 9
Here is my personal dedication to a hero who I am sure we all take for granted...
Name: Unknown - like a true hero always kept hidden. We will henceforth, call him Manny.
Occupation: Saving us from ourselves
Age: Unknown - possibly as far back as civilization goes
Now if ever, the "perfect" man existed who would go through any pain or trouble to protect you, it is Manny. He is no less a superhero, he is self-sacrificing, chivalrous has the awesome moves of any martial artist. He is always ready to jump in the face of danger because somehow we understand things better when we see it happening to a fellow (stick)man. For instance, here he is getting crushed so that we turn down that dare to make a quick run through the moving door:
He is valiantly reminding us that everyday objects can be just as dangerous as we tend to do things like find that shady spot behind the door welcoming... thanks to Manny we now know what can happen:
Here he is telling us how to remain calm during a fire:
Unfortunately he didn't make it...:
But he always picks himself up and is back out there, slipping, getting crushed while dealing with his own personal issues:
He is always willing to stand and sacrifice himself over and over again in the name of duty. One of his most glorius moments - just standing there, not doing anything while rocks come toward him!
So thank you Manny for all you do, for demonstrating that though we might believe we all have some of spiderman/superman skills inside of us - you remind us of what could happen. You keep us safe, remind us to use caution - not to get too comfortable. Thank you for getting sliced, diced, burnt, for swimming in jelly infested waters and getting chased by sharks or jumping in front of a bear - thank you. Thank you.
Name: Unknown - like a true hero always kept hidden. We will henceforth, call him Manny.
Occupation: Saving us from ourselves
Age: Unknown - possibly as far back as civilization goes
Now if ever, the "perfect" man existed who would go through any pain or trouble to protect you, it is Manny. He is no less a superhero, he is self-sacrificing, chivalrous has the awesome moves of any martial artist. He is always ready to jump in the face of danger because somehow we understand things better when we see it happening to a fellow (stick)man. For instance, here he is getting crushed so that we turn down that dare to make a quick run through the moving door:
He is valiantly reminding us that everyday objects can be just as dangerous as we tend to do things like find that shady spot behind the door welcoming... thanks to Manny we now know what can happen:
Here he is telling us how to remain calm during a fire:
But he always picks himself up and is back out there, slipping, getting crushed while dealing with his own personal issues:
So thank you Manny for all you do, for demonstrating that though we might believe we all have some of spiderman/superman skills inside of us - you remind us of what could happen. You keep us safe, remind us to use caution - not to get too comfortable. Thank you for getting sliced, diced, burnt, for swimming in jelly infested waters and getting chased by sharks or jumping in front of a bear - thank you. Thank you.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
It was right here, I swear!
Day 8
Know that restless feeling when you can't find something? You know where you think it should be - it has to be there. You recall seeing it, and then when it's not you feel restless and anxious. You imagine it in every location possible - go dashing there hopeful, and then find it missing still... soon the anxiety makes you nervous and depending on how valuable the missing item is, you start snapping, having a possible meltdown...
Then when you do find it (if you're lucky enough!) there is a tremendous rush of peace. Holding on to it with determination - never going to let it out of sight. Feeling a little bit like now - except it's my mind I lost! Well a little piece of it at least - I had a thought I was going to pen down, kept thinking about it and when I came here - just blank, so here I am writing about losing things :)
We are so accustomed to things - we believe we will find our house, spouse, children, posessions as we left them. There is a general peace brought about by that idea. I guess you do have to live in that illusion to be able to live life without paranoia. But it often times goes into the smaller things - non living materialistic things. We jump from looking for something we must have misplaced to a sudden leap of almost doubting people around us - their intentions, could the contractor have taken it, could my jealous friend have robbed it, if only my husband had paid more attention and put it away when I told him to! It's a little amusing (later on!) at how far and fast the mind leaps when trying to explain an uncomfortable situation to itself!
While most things are material and we should really be above it - to be able to walk away and from things not being too attached - sometimes posessions to come to mean a lot. It almost is your comfort - your cool gadgets, that comfy chair a salesman sold to you, the sentimental vessel your mother gifted, the matching bracelet you and your sister got together - everything, even physical objects start to become part of your life. It's more than just "stuff"... you take pride and comfort in it.
Well, it is petty and a little narcisstic so maybe we should imagine what we would lose if everything were to disappear one day - the couch, the bed, the fancy boots, the designer clothes. You lived in a simple shelter with just yourself and the bare minimum. How would you achieve that same pride and self-satisfaction? Would you be able to feel competent and comfortable with less? Who knows...might be kind of nice to stop hunting for the damn phone charger!!
Then when you do find it (if you're lucky enough!) there is a tremendous rush of peace. Holding on to it with determination - never going to let it out of sight. Feeling a little bit like now - except it's my mind I lost! Well a little piece of it at least - I had a thought I was going to pen down, kept thinking about it and when I came here - just blank, so here I am writing about losing things :)
We are so accustomed to things - we believe we will find our house, spouse, children, posessions as we left them. There is a general peace brought about by that idea. I guess you do have to live in that illusion to be able to live life without paranoia. But it often times goes into the smaller things - non living materialistic things. We jump from looking for something we must have misplaced to a sudden leap of almost doubting people around us - their intentions, could the contractor have taken it, could my jealous friend have robbed it, if only my husband had paid more attention and put it away when I told him to! It's a little amusing (later on!) at how far and fast the mind leaps when trying to explain an uncomfortable situation to itself!
While most things are material and we should really be above it - to be able to walk away and from things not being too attached - sometimes posessions to come to mean a lot. It almost is your comfort - your cool gadgets, that comfy chair a salesman sold to you, the sentimental vessel your mother gifted, the matching bracelet you and your sister got together - everything, even physical objects start to become part of your life. It's more than just "stuff"... you take pride and comfort in it.
Well, it is petty and a little narcisstic so maybe we should imagine what we would lose if everything were to disappear one day - the couch, the bed, the fancy boots, the designer clothes. You lived in a simple shelter with just yourself and the bare minimum. How would you achieve that same pride and self-satisfaction? Would you be able to feel competent and comfortable with less? Who knows...might be kind of nice to stop hunting for the damn phone charger!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The Randomness of Random
Day 7
I think this is the worst part of writing sometimes - the first sentence. Where should we go, where does the mind want to go - what words will we pen down, what thoughts will we convey? Has everything been said and done - is it going to be repetitive, maybe I should go a different way - find something "new" and "funny" or "smart" and "creative". I guess this is what leads to writers block - the distraction of writing just the right words prevent you from well, writing! Well today my mind has been jumping all over the place so this blog might be a little unorganized as well :)
Have been talking to a good friend of mine about how everything is being tracked nowadays - whether it is our phones/iPads or other devices, our every location - everything we buy/how often we buy, where we are at virtually any given moment everything is tracked - it's almost conforming us into glorified tagged cattle. And my mind jumped to how I have fallen behind in the social media of facebook and twitter-land craze. I wonder if this blog is another dimension of that world and if I am being a hypocrite? I wonder what it is that appeals to different people - why is writing thoughts in a blog, that are in a way several times more personal, more acceptable to me than sharing a quick thought on a tweet? It is indeed strange how we comprehend what we are okay with and what makes sense - I guess this is the challenge for the marketing people out there?
But then I could be saying this now and a little down the line be doing just that! As that is how the mind keeps adapting and changing when your idea of acceptance changes. When you are in a place for a while, you grow accustomed to it - its your safety net in a way. You take small steps into the unknown which is already pre-conceived in your mind to exist in a certain way. Then the acceptance comes, the new norms come and everything makes a little more sense. Maybe writing a cool tweet like "you are your own destiny" will speak more than writing a haphazard blog! Who knows... am always open to the idea of growth and adaptation :)
So as a final thought to this wonderful blog - let me share a couple of random thoughts, I picked up in this crazy day too:
1. May root canals live forever and their legend never fracture!
2. May humans remain as neurons working in the wave front of an intelligent being reiterating we're together in ways we can't comprehend.
3. Hoegaarden is a bad name for beer!
4. Writing about writers block is better than not writing at all.
Random - the idea of occurring without definite aim.. yup, that sums up this post. May the writing Gods smile on us tomorrow :)
Have been talking to a good friend of mine about how everything is being tracked nowadays - whether it is our phones/iPads or other devices, our every location - everything we buy/how often we buy, where we are at virtually any given moment everything is tracked - it's almost conforming us into glorified tagged cattle. And my mind jumped to how I have fallen behind in the social media of facebook and twitter-land craze. I wonder if this blog is another dimension of that world and if I am being a hypocrite? I wonder what it is that appeals to different people - why is writing thoughts in a blog, that are in a way several times more personal, more acceptable to me than sharing a quick thought on a tweet? It is indeed strange how we comprehend what we are okay with and what makes sense - I guess this is the challenge for the marketing people out there?
But then I could be saying this now and a little down the line be doing just that! As that is how the mind keeps adapting and changing when your idea of acceptance changes. When you are in a place for a while, you grow accustomed to it - its your safety net in a way. You take small steps into the unknown which is already pre-conceived in your mind to exist in a certain way. Then the acceptance comes, the new norms come and everything makes a little more sense. Maybe writing a cool tweet like "you are your own destiny" will speak more than writing a haphazard blog! Who knows... am always open to the idea of growth and adaptation :)
So as a final thought to this wonderful blog - let me share a couple of random thoughts, I picked up in this crazy day too:
1. May root canals live forever and their legend never fracture!
2. May humans remain as neurons working in the wave front of an intelligent being reiterating we're together in ways we can't comprehend.
3. Hoegaarden is a bad name for beer!
4. Writing about writers block is better than not writing at all.
Random - the idea of occurring without definite aim.. yup, that sums up this post. May the writing Gods smile on us tomorrow :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Unconquerable Soul
Day 6
Not too many thoughts tonight.. had a poem in my mind all day and will share it here. It is a very popular one and one of my favorites too. The last two lines "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." resonate a very powerful feeling knowing we can steer ourselves, our significance is not lost, the soul is strong - circumstance, tragedy nothing can wear it down.
Written by William Henley - probably his only work which made him famous - inspired by his condition of an infection which required to amputate his leg, he faced with courage and determination. He stood up to the odds against him and rightly named his poem "invictus" - latin for unconquerable.
So in his honor, here is Invictus:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
- William Ernest Henley
Written by William Henley - probably his only work which made him famous - inspired by his condition of an infection which required to amputate his leg, he faced with courage and determination. He stood up to the odds against him and rightly named his poem "invictus" - latin for unconquerable.
So in his honor, here is Invictus:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
- William Ernest Henley
Sunday, September 9, 2012
The Shadow
Day 5
Thought I would share a poem I wrote in this post and it reminded me of how I used to have an occurring theme of shadows for a while when I was writing. The idea of something, even though an abstract concept such as a shadow being with you, as a witness to every event or dimension of your life had to be personified. With it comes such an aura of mystery that could be credited to the way that light is needed in order to see it - in the darkness, it walks "hidden" and in the brightest it stands tall - almost like a balance of dark and light, good and evil.
It has been this way in several cultures and mythological stories. In Ancient Egypt, the Egyptians expressed the essence of The Shadow in Nephtys, the dark twin sister of Isis, where Nephtys represented the death aspect and Isis that of rebirth.
And the mystery continues, whether in folklore where the Shadow is the doppleganger - the "double walker" - the one who looks the same but has a different contrasting side to the bearer, often evil. In psychology - Shadows are termed as the alter ego - always reflecting a different part of us, that's often hidden in us.
This pattern continues in various occurrences - with the Shadow always representing the exact opposite - often times one being the visible person to who we relate to and believe defines us - our everyday self. The other, the "invisible side of us" which is our un-manifested alter self - in desires or dreams we were to afraid to pursue or in potentials we resisted.
While shadows are often seen in bad light - I have found them fascinating. They are almost a great subconscious which is infinite in its existence. The great "unknown" is just more of us to discover - the belief of existing in duality and not as an aspect of just one side. Perhaps this is reiterated in Hindu mythology, where Ketu is generally referred to as a "shadow" planet and the duality shown in his representing karmic collections both good and bad, spirituality and supernatural influences, perhaps of the "Shadow"?
As we grow and expand in thought and nature, in understanding and realization of our own essence and potential, the jump we can make into our subconscious deepens as well, perhaps contained in the Shadow - waiting, learning...balancing, keeping us grounded.
And on that note - here is the poem which took me down this path:
....and so when the shadows break for dawn
says the old man who slipped behind me,
to the woman with a broken heart,
...we people of the dark will move away
she looks at me wondering what a man
with a bullet round his neck was doing here
I watched as he turned his face to the side
Where the tears wont be seen
he has found solace for the soul
that he sold somewhere here in the shadows.
He stared at me, speaking with no words..
My shadow told my story only to me.
-RKS
It has been this way in several cultures and mythological stories. In Ancient Egypt, the Egyptians expressed the essence of The Shadow in Nephtys, the dark twin sister of Isis, where Nephtys represented the death aspect and Isis that of rebirth.
And the mystery continues, whether in folklore where the Shadow is the doppleganger - the "double walker" - the one who looks the same but has a different contrasting side to the bearer, often evil. In psychology - Shadows are termed as the alter ego - always reflecting a different part of us, that's often hidden in us.
This pattern continues in various occurrences - with the Shadow always representing the exact opposite - often times one being the visible person to who we relate to and believe defines us - our everyday self. The other, the "invisible side of us" which is our un-manifested alter self - in desires or dreams we were to afraid to pursue or in potentials we resisted.
While shadows are often seen in bad light - I have found them fascinating. They are almost a great subconscious which is infinite in its existence. The great "unknown" is just more of us to discover - the belief of existing in duality and not as an aspect of just one side. Perhaps this is reiterated in Hindu mythology, where Ketu is generally referred to as a "shadow" planet and the duality shown in his representing karmic collections both good and bad, spirituality and supernatural influences, perhaps of the "Shadow"?
As we grow and expand in thought and nature, in understanding and realization of our own essence and potential, the jump we can make into our subconscious deepens as well, perhaps contained in the Shadow - waiting, learning...balancing, keeping us grounded.
And on that note - here is the poem which took me down this path:
....and so when the shadows break for dawn
says the old man who slipped behind me,
to the woman with a broken heart,
...we people of the dark will move away
she looks at me wondering what a man
with a bullet round his neck was doing here
I watched as he turned his face to the side
Where the tears wont be seen
he has found solace for the soul
that he sold somewhere here in the shadows.
He stared at me, speaking with no words..
My shadow told my story only to me.
-RKS
Saturday, September 8, 2012
The Till of the Yard :)
Day 4
Spent the day working hard in the yard, exhausting but satisfying. As the subject suggests, there was some tilling, raking, weeding, sawing, pruning, trimming and downright getting on hands and knees dirty! While it is really hard work - sometimes landscaping almost feels like another form of art. Putting in colors and textures - different shapes, sizes, a painting in motion - changing with the season, nature adding its own embellishments... the Earth that we are molded from and that we belong to - in harmony we create, we build and receive...The mind finds it's calm and the hands get to work - it just somehow feels right - like maybe some part of us was built to be this way :)
Maybe it's just me but I have always been drawn to the outside - almost like a magnet pulling me in. The fresh air - the warm sunlight, the water.. the feel of grass under the feet.. the feeling of peace, of hope, of cultivating life..
Someone once told me, the best days are those that begin with sunlight and end with moonlight... because where there is light, there is always a blooming garden.
Maybe it's just me but I have always been drawn to the outside - almost like a magnet pulling me in. The fresh air - the warm sunlight, the water.. the feel of grass under the feet.. the feeling of peace, of hope, of cultivating life..
Someone once told me, the best days are those that begin with sunlight and end with moonlight... because where there is light, there is always a blooming garden.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Resigned
Day 3
Being alone is strange. In some ways it makes you friends with silence, with yourself. It gives you the time and space to 'catch up' with the endless of things you never seem to have the time for. Yet, sometimes the spirit of wanting to do anything dies away. And then you adjust to the new normal – of being by yourself.
There is a big difference I guess between being alone and being lonely. Sometimes they overlap but they are two different entities. Being alone is in a strange way like peeling the mask off. Taking the walls down, being yourself – you have no witness but yourself, there is no-one to impress, no one to care for but yourself. And somehow, time trickles on by even when you expect it not to.
Maybe alone time is like a reflection of yourself. I wonder, what my reflection would show. Somehow I end up delving into an ocean of thoughts with no one wave carrying me anywhere and the constant sound drains into white noise.
Days like this the 'grains' of thought don't flow too easily - and perhaps this is where the real challenge lies, when retracted into our shell of being alone yet here I am trying to share a piece of myself with the world still... but the show must go on, the words must always flow.. so, here is day 3 :)
There is a big difference I guess between being alone and being lonely. Sometimes they overlap but they are two different entities. Being alone is in a strange way like peeling the mask off. Taking the walls down, being yourself – you have no witness but yourself, there is no-one to impress, no one to care for but yourself. And somehow, time trickles on by even when you expect it not to.
Maybe alone time is like a reflection of yourself. I wonder, what my reflection would show. Somehow I end up delving into an ocean of thoughts with no one wave carrying me anywhere and the constant sound drains into white noise.
Days like this the 'grains' of thought don't flow too easily - and perhaps this is where the real challenge lies, when retracted into our shell of being alone yet here I am trying to share a piece of myself with the world still... but the show must go on, the words must always flow.. so, here is day 3 :)
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The mind has its reasons the heart its methods...
Day 2
How many times do you feel that you have figured life out? Maybe not completely but enough to grasp an understanding of what must be and that you have sorted things out? When you believe you have reached where you need to be and this is the way things should carry on. And then in a normal day, a moment or an incident occurs which your mind processes and decides how to treat it. But your heart doesn't agree and your own reaction surprises you. Suddenly there is birth of a new understanding - a force that stops your thoughts. You fight it, your mind tries to take control and drive... take you back to the sanctity of the routine it understands... but eventually, even for a short time - the heart takes charge...
We are built as beautiful complex organisms with highly intelligent working mechanical systems that are still being fully understood. We have such an evolved brain, the capacity to achieve great heights. But the credit for our success or achievement is powered by the drive in us - the 'heart' in us - it is the emotions in us that dictate who we are, how we should live and what we can achieve. There is always a subtle emotion in us which lets us be happy, which picks its battles. And when it does - it can be stronger than the sense of logic and survival... then the mind loses its hold.. thought is rejected..
Maybe it is in moments like that, when we are closer to who we really are... when we break the mould and just let go... Be stupid, illogical, do things without reason. Make that phone call you shouldn't, dream bigger than ever, take that trip which makes no sense... get a tattoo, be a loser if that's what it takes... be too nice, be walked over for love... cry the tears you hold back, laugh, be conquering and powerful, feel imperfectly beautiful and maybe in the chaos of all this we can celebrate the true essence of being human. Well, at least till the mind switches back to auto-pilot... and logic, reason, sensibility come into play - the heart ignored, the mind resting on its cold throne again, trying desperately to understand the wreckage left behind - processing, filing emotions away till life once again can be classified as 'normal'.
The heart and the mind has the shortest distance but the longest journey.
We are built as beautiful complex organisms with highly intelligent working mechanical systems that are still being fully understood. We have such an evolved brain, the capacity to achieve great heights. But the credit for our success or achievement is powered by the drive in us - the 'heart' in us - it is the emotions in us that dictate who we are, how we should live and what we can achieve. There is always a subtle emotion in us which lets us be happy, which picks its battles. And when it does - it can be stronger than the sense of logic and survival... then the mind loses its hold.. thought is rejected..
Maybe it is in moments like that, when we are closer to who we really are... when we break the mould and just let go... Be stupid, illogical, do things without reason. Make that phone call you shouldn't, dream bigger than ever, take that trip which makes no sense... get a tattoo, be a loser if that's what it takes... be too nice, be walked over for love... cry the tears you hold back, laugh, be conquering and powerful, feel imperfectly beautiful and maybe in the chaos of all this we can celebrate the true essence of being human. Well, at least till the mind switches back to auto-pilot... and logic, reason, sensibility come into play - the heart ignored, the mind resting on its cold throne again, trying desperately to understand the wreckage left behind - processing, filing emotions away till life once again can be classified as 'normal'.
The heart and the mind has the shortest distance but the longest journey.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
The Challenge - Day 1
I have often been asked why I write and what it is that draws me to pen down feelings in letters and words that take form. My earliest memory of writing goes back to when I was probably 8 or so. I would carefully write stories in a notebook then when I'd get the opportunity, would type it out on my father's computer. The thrill of printing and then putting it in a plastic sleeve and filing it would make my day. I had a good collection by the time I outgrew fairytales.
Books and the different worlds that they took me into always empowered me. Yet, the excitement in penning my own words could never be beaten. Imagine - to be able to be the creator of anything you want - to breathe life into characters, to recount a memory giving it immortality, to give a voice to an emotion, to be free in a world which is not bound by limitations but is free to your imagination. To be.. to exist.. to feel "free"..
The Gods of our own worlds where we must be bold and zealous and giving. Anything is real - Dragons are majestic, differences are celebrated, soul mates exist, destiny bows down to desire - people recover from tragedy. Pain becomes enigmatic, joy becomes inspiring, truth becomes fantasy - fantasy dawns on reality..
And yet somewhere I lost touch with this excitement which has stayed with me like a loyal friend. I do write but not as much as I would like to and so I have imposed this challenge on myself, to write everyday for a year as I am physically able... and here is day one..
I can hear the dragons starting to take flight already...
Books and the different worlds that they took me into always empowered me. Yet, the excitement in penning my own words could never be beaten. Imagine - to be able to be the creator of anything you want - to breathe life into characters, to recount a memory giving it immortality, to give a voice to an emotion, to be free in a world which is not bound by limitations but is free to your imagination. To be.. to exist.. to feel "free"..
The Gods of our own worlds where we must be bold and zealous and giving. Anything is real - Dragons are majestic, differences are celebrated, soul mates exist, destiny bows down to desire - people recover from tragedy. Pain becomes enigmatic, joy becomes inspiring, truth becomes fantasy - fantasy dawns on reality..
And yet somewhere I lost touch with this excitement which has stayed with me like a loyal friend. I do write but not as much as I would like to and so I have imposed this challenge on myself, to write everyday for a year as I am physically able... and here is day one..
I can hear the dragons starting to take flight already...
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