Pursuit of Happiness

The word has come to mean so many things to me as the years have gone by. Earlier on, it was too strange a concept to really ponder about - what is happiness? Having fun and laughing perhaps? Playing with friends, being carefree. It was easier being happy I guess because we didn't need to pursue it. It was any moment where we were truly present. Free from bounds, free to be ourselves.

As the years progressed, the idea of "happiness" just happening on its own, of not thinking about it became harder. When you don't think of it - it somehow seems unattainable, and you find yourself in crossroads unable to figure out the missing link.

Then there comes the time, when you consciously make the leap to try and be happy - to pursue happiness, it is more work than you realise.

It means loving yourself, taking care of yourself. It means letting things go, it means forgiving, it means moving on. It means challenging yourself, rewarding yourself, pampering yourself when you're down. It is still the same as being a child - it's allowing yourself to be you. The only difference is that now, you are a complex human being caught in a web of thoughts. Padded on with expectations from people, with our own expectations from others and circumstances out of our control. We find that we try to attain our happiness - our own existence from our relationships. When, in fact, the only relationship you need to tend to is the one you have with yourself, with the essence of life inside of you.

All other relationships fall in line when you're content with yourself. Everything becames easier, because you stop being hard on yourself. You don't ponder on the unachievable, you live in the now and you make decisions that make you happy. Sometimes giving to someone you love, sometimes taking care of someone else, helping a stranger - while happiness is related to this other person - it is still the contentment that you find inside that should drive you.

The mind and body almost crave to find equilibrium. There is research on how simply uttering positive words, or forcing yourself to smile with no reason release endorphins which make you feel good. Perhaps because being happy is the one emotion which keeps you in the best position you can be. You are happy so you feel good, you are healthy. You are happy so you can love freely. You are happy so you can focus your energy on being productive. You are happy so everything around you feels like part of you.

It doesn't matter how long you've been in a sense of your limitations - it will shine through with happiness. Happiness is the blend of all our powers and affection in beautiful proportions that sustain and perfect each other. It is simply put - an energy that binds you to yourself.

Holding on to this happiness, this energy inside you is perhaps the pursuit. Though what I find is that happiness does not need to be searched for. It is inside you - if you let it shine, if you let it come out. It is but an emotion which can change your whole perspective, your entire interpretation of you. It is the child inside you who always wants to take you back to your carefree days of truly being free. Perhaps that is what happiness is - the freedom to allow yourself ot be happy even when the world tries to bring you down. The freedom to choose hapiness instead of your troubles. The freedom from fear, from your insecurities. Happiness is what keeps our souls fueled - the soul of power that we have within us.

Perhaps, we can all start by asking ourselves the simple question "What do I need right now, in this moment to be happy?" The closer you look, the more freely you allow yourself to look - you will see that you already have it.

The amount of happiness you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.

Battles

There is a lot of poetry that has been written personifying death. In fact, one of my favorite poems - "Prospice", does just that. Why I love that poem though is because of how Browning romanticizes death, stands up to it and refuses to let its coldness and its inborne fear to touch him... because he has hope to meet his love who had passed away through Him - the mighty dark knight - death, has now become the deliverer of love and promise..

Death has been on my mind - perhaps with so much of it happening around me. It's cast its dark shadow around us more oft than not with every year that goes by. Though what marks my mind is not the incident of death but the life that has ceased to exist.

A man's life is chronicled by so many events which when comes to an end - it feels more and more like fading dreams you desperately try to remember. Growing up, accomplishments, graduating, first job, first date, getting married, having kids - its like a story-book we all go through where each one of us is the protagonist and our own villains too. A chronicled life that we publish through our words, our actions and hope that it continues on with our essence when we no longer can pen down any more.

It's a huge responsibility to keep that life going on - to keep that person going on. That complex person with their moods and opinions, their wisdom and their laughter... it suddenly becomes so spread out between all who they have met. Between desires and regrets and the players who spent a moment on their stage of life, hurting them, loving them - admiring them, despising them - whatever role you have, you steal that part of the person, that memory and those drops of life which exist only in your mind.

The battle of life and death continues even after - because just by having lived your life - you have handed pieces of it off to the soldiers who survive you in the battlefield of memory and recollection. Death only defeats the body, not the memories nor the spirit that is as strong and real as we remember it.

For sudden the worst turns the best to the brave,
The black minute's at end, and the elements' rage, the fiend-voices that rave,
Shall dwindle, shall blend, shall change, shall become first a peace out of pain and then a light...

- From "Prospice" Robert Browning